NYDN - Neigh, we won’t be playing Donkey Basketball this year. Margaretville Central School, near the Catskills, has decided not to put on its annual Donkey Basketball fundraiser after the Animal Legal Defense Fund threatened a lawsuit following last year’s event. The Honor Society fundraiser, which features students on donkeys dribbling basketballs around the school gym, faced backlash last year from the California-based animal rights group. The ALDF called the games a violation of state education law, which says that schools must provide education “in the humane treatment and protection of animals and the importance of the part they play in the economy of nature as well as the necessity of controlling the proliferation of animals which are subsequently abandoned and caused to suffer extreme cruelty,” according to the Watershed Post. Margaretville Central School Superintendent Robert Chakar, however, said the event hadn’t been cancelled, rather just not scheduled this year. Previously, the donkeys had been provided by Vermont-based Green Mountain Donkeyball, which says on their website that they have a 200-pound weight limit. When the donkeys aren’t being used for basketball, they spend their time grazing and exercising on more than 100 acres. But the ALDF said that the donkeys are scared into action at the schools with sticks and batons. “Not surprisingly, the donkeys are often visibly confused and frightened, bucking and kicking,” the ALDF said in a press release to Syracuse.com.
There have been a lot of malfeasances done by humans towards animals lately. Malfeasances errrrywhere, with Harambe being the most famous situation that ended with an L for an animal. So I understand these animal rights people having their antennas up and trying to stir things up just to give animalkind its first win in forever. But as somebody that has actually seen a donkey basketball game, I don’t think cancelling these games is what the donkeys would want.
In my mind, the best a donkey can hope for is to be a donkey basketball player. It’s admittedly been years since I saw donkey basketball game at my high school. But from what I remember, it was an ELECTRIC scene. Donkeys taking their riders the wrong way, hee hawing all game, and when they shit on the court, everyone would LOSE it. Granted this could just be nostalgia talking, but I remember everyone having a ball during the games. And yes, as I type this I realize I sound like some sort of wildling. KFC had never heard of donkey basketball before, but trust me, donkey basketball is incredible. And I am not a wildling, I promise. I live only an hour north of the city. Shit that’s exactly something a wildling would say, huh?
Anyway, donkeys spend their days at the bottom of the animal totem pole. They smell terrible, look sad all the time, and the noises they make are awful. Even their nickname of “jackass” is a slap in the face. Ponies and mini horses have taken the donkeys’ corner as small horse-type creatures that kids want to play with. I think the ceiling for most donkeys is to carry coffee all day and night until you finally keel over in some South American country, followed by the local children probably pinning tails to your dead ass. Unless you somehow reach that dream of donkey basketball player. Because the streets is a short stop, either you lug coffee beans or you haul a wicked jump shooter. If these animal rights dickheads take this dream away from donkeykind, it would just be another example of man wronging the animal kingdom.
Also, since Barstool has a diverse demographic for where readers live and I need to know, I have to ask this question. Am I in the minority for knowing about donkey basketball being a thing? Or does city slicker KFC have his head in the clouds for not knowing about the completely ridiculous yet hilarious sport of donkey basketball. I bet Trent will answer yes.