Mickey Moniak's Friend Has To Get Mickey's Signature Tattooed On His Ass Because He Was A Top 10 Pick In The First Round

This is important. The Philadelphia Phillies drafted Mickey Moniak, an outfielder from La Costa Canyon High School in California, and he made a bet with his best friend. The bet, which MLB Network’s Greg Amsinger fucked up royally (still love you tho), was that if Moniak was taken in the first round of the MLB Draft with a top 10 pick, that his friend would have to get Moniak’s signature tattooed on his ass. Now, WHY is this so important to me? Because this is about honor. This is about integrity. This is about decency.

Let me take you back to 2008. Young Jared was just a freshman in college, and he was at a house party. The boys will be boys, and egos get inflated once alcohol enters the equation. Well, one thing leads to another, chests get puffed out, and next thing I know, I’m talking about how I can kill this kid 10 times before he can kill me once in Golden Eye on Nintendo 64. Nobody believes me. I’m like, listen. If you kill me once before I can kill you 10 times, I’ll give you three hundred dollars, which as a freshman in college is basically five grand. And if I can kill you 10 times before you kill me once, you have to get my signature tattooed on your ass. We shook on it.

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If I’m this fired up about Moniak’s boy paying up on his bet, do you think the kid I bet against followed through? No. No, he didn’t. No honor. No integrity. No decency. To be honest, I don’t even think I’ve spoken to him since. Can’t even look at him. That’s how much respect I have for people who don’t follow through on handshake agreements. So, Mickey. My man. Take my advice, and do what I was unable to do. Make your friend get the ass tattoo.

Pay for it yourself, if you have to. You’re about to be rich as hell. Just make sure that he gets that cheek sleeve, because a friend who bets against your success is not a friend at all. Okay, that might be too extreme. But a friend who bets against your success deserves to have your signature on their ass for the rest of their life. That sounds more fair.