All Babies Being Born In Cleveland Hospital Being Dressed In Cavs Onesies

Poor bastards. Just born losers. Bring em right into the world, throw em right to the fire, and let them experience their first heartbreaking massacre. Hey little ones! You dont know this yet, but our golden child savior messiah returned to us in hopes of bringing this city a title and instead we might get swept. Extra embarrassing even by our standards! But lets go Cavs! I mean even an eternal loser like myself was brought into this world with a Mets World Series. This crop of Cleveland babies is just gonna be another legion of losers. I guess its smart to just start it early. Get them the experience they need to make sure they can withstand life in Cleveland. Born To Believe…that we’re always gonna fucking stink. Might as well just name your kid after one of the loser stadiums in the area and cement their fate completely.

PS – I’d rather leave my baby on a mountainside to die like Chinese people do than put her in a Knicks onesie at birth.