The Good News Is I'm 3 Days Away From Lasik, The Bad News Is I Cannot Put In Eyedrops To Save My Life

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If you’ve read the site in recent weeks, you’d know I’m getting Lasik (actually getting PRK, it’s a different form of Lasik, but I’m going to call it Lasik just to keep it simple). A lot of people were asking me to document it, so I wanted to get this blog up leading up to it to let you know where I’m at. The last I wrote about it, I was profusely sweating in the eye doctor office he explained in detail what was going to happen to my eyes. Went over all the pre-surgery details like signing papers that say I won’t sue when my eyes fall out. Well, all that is good and well and in just 3 days I’m heading over to see my friends at Lasik Pro who will then zap my eyeballs and miraculously give me the gift of sight. I’m not quite a Blind Mike, but I also can’t read the TV from the couch without glasses on. And I have some extra money burning a hole in my pocket so I thought hey why not? One small problem though…

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I cannot do eyedrops or eye-related things to save my life. Which is kind of important considering I need to put in 3 different drops like 10 times a day for a month. And for some reason, some ridiculous, unexplainable reason, my biggest weakness in life other than my height, face, voice, lack of muscle tone, inability to speak to girls, and premature balding, is I don’t fuck with eyes. Which isn’t particularly good when you’re about to get surgery on your eyes. And even worse when you don’t have Monica to sit on you and do it for you. I kinda knew it already, kinda the reason I don’t have contacts is because I hate eye shit, but yet here we are, big idiot Eric, going to get his eyes zapped away.

I’ve read a few people’s online reports on how their Lasik surgery went, and all of them gave me panic attacks. But I guess my choice is figure it the fuck out and stop being a pussy, or be blind the rest of my life. And I’m putting on my big boy pants, taking a lot of valium, and figuring it the fuck out. Did it take me an hour to properly administer eye drops to myself two days ago? It did. But I feel like it’s a lot like doing a paper in college- if you put it off til the last minute, and you’re forced to do it, you figure it out and just get it done. You either fail the class, or in my case, my eyes dry up and fall out of my head.

So I get this shit done at 1pm on Thursday (thanks in advance for the day off on Friday Dave!). While normal Lasik the people go dancing out of the office with all new vision, it’s not so simple for PRK folk like me. It’s like a 2 week healing process, and just thinking about it gives me the willies. But everyone who tweeted and emailed me about it told me it’s definitely worth it, so I’m going through with it. One small step for man, one giant leap for never wearing glasses again kind.