This Girl On Tinder Is Going BALLISTIC On Dudes For Not Paying Close Enough Attention To What She Likes In Her Bio

 

 

^You can skim around the both of these and still get the drift. I’ve said before that I find it kind of dumb when people are on Tinder and theoretically looking for something in their lives but then go out of their way to be unappealing or an asshole for no reason. But this goes so far above and beyond the concept that I’m baffled. Like she’s literally mad at these guys just for matching with her. Throwing out the obvious “she’s mentally ill,” how do you even go through life like this? And is some poor dude out there going to end up stuck with a slightly less deranged version of her having no idea that she’s got this kind of crazy somewhere lurking inside? Every question is scary but the answers are even more terrifying. Girls with guy names, either very sexy or completely psychotic with very little in between. Life lessons.

 

And hey, it’s another week of the Tinder blog, back after a restful Memorial Day weekend full of adorable pictures of my dogs in vests by the pool. And things really backed up quickly in that week off:

 

 

But as always thanks to everyone who sends things in, you all help make this blog enjoyable toilet fodder for thousands upon thousands of people each week. Please follow me on Twitter and keep sending me your screenshots from all the apps and let’s get to the blog!

 

 

JMB-needcasperthefriendlyghosttohollowthatpussyoutmorethananything

I need Casper the Friendly Ghost to knock her up to make the perfect mattress-themed baby (via JMB)

 

 

ZB-ihatethisgirlalmostasmuchasthatdronechickfromearlier

I hate this girl almost as much for this as that drone lady from earlier (via ZB)

 

 

J-twoyearsofdiarrheashitssoundslikeexactlywhatyoudexpectoutofatindersoulmate

As someone who was painfully addicted to Quesalupas until Taco Bell robbed us of them last week, I can certainly relate to two years of aggressive diarrhea (via J)

 

 

b-honestlythisisanicegesturebyherbesidesthegirlsORguyspart

Honestly this bio is a nice gesture by her besides the girls OR guys part (via B)

 

 

br-scaryfitfamisstillfitfamiguess

Scary #fitfam is still #fitfam I guess (via BR)

 

 

MLB-waitaminuteapornchickwenttoacommunitycollegenofuckingway

Wait a minute, a porn chick’s highest degree is from community college? No fucking way (via MLB)

 

 

DR-PAIRWITHOTHERCHEERLEADER

Oh good, a Texans cheerleader on Bumble (via DR)

 

 

JP-AddBucscheerleaderstoBumblestrophycase

..And here add a Bucs cheerleader to Bumble’s trophy case too (via JP)

 

 

GM-bumblecheerleaderssunrisesunset

..Cheerleaders on Bumble, sunrise, sunset (via GM)

 

 

HO1

HO2-yourcompetitionfortheweekseemsmushlessclassythanhisbandanawouldseem

Your competition for the week seems to be much less classy than his bandana would seem (via HO)

 

 
CR-yourothercompetitionfortheweekseemstobetakinggirlsBachelorobsessiontooliterally

Your other competition for the week seems to be taking girls’ Bachelor obsessions too literally (via CR)

 

 

 

TS-olympiansontindercontinuetobearealgoldmetalforthebucketlist

Olympians on Tinder continue to be a real gold medal for the bucket list IMO (via TS)

 

 

CA-franklyimnotsurethisgirlhasenoughgritevenifbigcatweresingle

Frankly I’m not sure this girl has enough grit for BC even if he were single (via CA)

 

 

 

RD-bootyshortsbarstooltanksandanamericanflagbringsateartomyeye

Booty shorts, Barstool tanks, and an American flag brings a tear to my eye (via RD)

 

 

SR-thatsthekindoffunctionalsoutherncharmiexpectfromlouisianatinder

That’s the kind of functional Southern charm that I expect from Louisiana Tinder (via SR)

 

 

JD-ohtheydonthumoryouhuh

I get it sucks being named Isis but “your ISIS jokes don’t humor me” is definitely not a grammatically phrase to use in this situation (via JD)

 

 

CC-iveneverwantedtosupportourtroopsmorethannow

I’ve never wanted to support our troops as demonstratively as I do right now (via CC)

 

 

mugatu-seemslikewemightbeforgettingthetofemalepart

Seems like we might be forgetting the whole “to female” part with that beard (via Mugatu)

 

 

 

MW1

MW2-thisisfromanappcalledcloverandimnowfairlyconfidentidontneedtobeonanappcalledclover

This is from an app called Clover and I’m now fairly confident I don’t need to be on an app called Clover (via MW)

 

 

PE-redheadswithbigtitsprayeremoji

Redheads with big tits back again! Screen Shot 2016-06-03 at 2.02.45 PM(via PE)

 

 

 

DMG-notanunreasonablerequest

Not an unreasonable request…I guess. *kicks a rock sadly (via DMG)

RY

(via RY)

 

 

ST-honestlyifthistitlecomeswithasashiminforatleastonedate

Honestly if this title comes with a sash declaring her to be the hottest wheelchair lady in America then I’m in for at least one date (via ST)

 

 

TS1

TS2-sadmichiganfansneedlovetoo

Sad viral Michigan fans need love, too (via TS)

 

 

 

AT-apparentlyweshouldstartrequiringalicensetobedeclaredacougar

Apparently we should start requiring a license to be declared a “cougar” (via AT)

 

 

TM1

TM2-icanhonestlysaythisseemsliketheworstpossibledatingsituationicouldconjureup

I can honestly say this seems like the worst possible dating situation I could conjure up based on my own preferences (via TM)

 

 

DG-picsoritdidnthappen

Pics or it didn’t happen (via DG)

 

 

lag-datingarugbychickseemslikeabucketlistitematerrifyingone

Dating a rugby chick seems like a bucket list item albeit a terrifying one (via LAG)

 

 

JP1-neverbeenmarriedsexy40yearoldtvwomanequalsthiswomanfucks

JP2

A never been married sexy 40-year-old TV woman = this woman fucks (via JP)

 

 

 

And onto the hot and/or NSFWish ones…

 

 

MP-HOTNSFWthisseemslikeagoodwaytohelpUCLAstartthehealing

This seems like a good way to help UCLA start the healing (via MP)

 

 

JB-HOTNSFWisthisenoughnipstomaketheblog

Is this enough nips to make the blog? Eh, it’s sort of Summer now, why not (via JB)

 

 

SS-shesprobablyjustgoingtoputthatrubberdickthroughitlikethatoldBigSausagePizzapornsite

She’s probably just going to put that rubber dick through the box like that old Big Sausage Pizza porn site (via SS)

 

 

LL-HOTNSFWthisoneisjustfortheloyalfemalestooliesouttheresorryguys

This one is just for the loyal female Stoolies. Guys, consider this a sorbet to cleanse your palate before the good stuff (via LL)

 

 

BS-HOTNSFWitmustbeniceforchloetogothroughlifeneverneedingcushionsonherchairs

It must be nice for her to get through life never needing cushions on her chairs (via BS)

 

 

BT-HOTNSFWisthereasectorofbuttsintheworldbetterthanvolleyballbutts

Is there a sector of butts in the world better than volleyball butts? (via BT)

 

 

JDB-HOTNSFWbuttandbodyarehottheswampvagisnot

Her butt and body are hot but the beach biking swamp vag is not (via JDB)

 

 

J-HOTNSFWseemslikeacraftywaytogetinstagramfollowersbutiguesswiththatbuttyoucantcomplain

Seems like a crafty way to get Instagram followers but I guess with that butt you can’t complain (via J)

 

 

CC-HOTNSFWgoodforherwearingthatcoachellasnapchatfilterchickslovebutinreallife

Good for her wearing that Coachella Snapchat filter chicks love but in real life for once (via CC)

 

 

NB-HOTNSFWputtingdathamassinumassamherst

Putting the “Must ___ Her Ass” in Umass Amherst (via NB)

 

 

JSB-HOTNSFWhopefullyshesthetwinwiththenips

One can only hope she’s the twin with the nips (via JSB)

 

 

ZD-HOTNSFWthisweeksreminderyoudpickatransover90percentoftheothergirlsinhere

This week’s reminder you’d pick a trans over 99 percent of the other girls in here (via ZD)

 

 

BK-HOTNSFW

(via BK)

 

 

Smck-shemustbesoembarrassedtohavebeenphotographedwithnopantson

She must be so embarrassed to have been photographed with no pants on (via Smck)

 

And there we have it, another week in the Tinder blog’s history books. Thanks again to everyone sending stuff in, follow me on Twitter and DM me your own, and happy swiping!