I Don't Give A Shit About The Moose On The Loose In Watertown This Morning

Can I confess something? Are we in the trust tree here? Ok, thank you.

I don’t give a goddamn about this fucking moose. I know we’re supposed to be all pro-animal and all that bullshit, but I’ve been trying to pump myself up about a ten second clip of a moose running and I just can’t do it. If he crashed through a car, or a house, or ate a fucking kid then we can talk, but a one block sprint does not get me going.

When I was growing up we used to get a deer in our backyard about once a year, and every time my dad would act like the thing was performing surgery back there. He’d come running into the house, whisperyelling “THERE’S A DEER OUTSIDE! COME SEE THE DEER!” Hey, bro, I’ve got some Toaster Strudels and cartoons going, what the fuck do I care about a white tail invading my back yard? Is he a delicious and flaky breakfast treat? Can he talk? Ok, then not interested. If you’re not my dogs then I don’t really give a fuck about an animal doing animal stuff.

Unless, of course, we get a BRO button commentary because, as this Aussie proves, the right guy behind the mic can make absolutely anything entertaining.

Update: I guess Dave did this blog too? Whatever, still don’t care about a moose.