Listen you kill the gorilla 1,000 times out of 1,000, unless we’re talking about a rapist, murderer, terrorist or other sort of scum of the earth human in there. There is ZERO debate on how to handle that situation when theres an innocent kid in there. Period, stop. I know we all crack jokes. I know its all about hot takes. Hell, as a blogger 90% of the time this gig is to take the irrational stance and try to argue why thats the correct take and make it funny. It doesnt surprise me that people say the gorilla should have lived but if you genuinely, truly think that a FOUR YEAR OLD should have been left to be thrashed around by a GORILLA any longer than you can get the fuck off this planet.
But more importantly all the armchair quarterbacks who are now parents of the year are driving me nuts. I’m not saying its standard procedure to take your kid to the zoo and have him end up in a gorilla pit. Thats some shitty fucking parenting, for sure. I’m just saying the number of kids who have gotten lost in amusement parks and department stores and shopping malls isnt fucking zero. People who think that they would never lose track of their kids are delusional. Kids are slippery motherfuckers. Like greased pigs. They’re like those chickens that Mick had Rocky chase around in the alley. It could happen to you and if you dont think it could you’re an idiot. First thing I’ve learned as a parent is to be smart enough to know that you’re probably not a very good parent and so pretty much anything is on the table.