The New iPhone Probably Isn't Going To Have A Headphone Jack Because Apple Likes Fucking With Us
What the fuck, Apple? We’re done with headphones now? You encourage us to listen to music via Bluetooth and wireless headphones? Listen, you son’s of bitches, do you now how often I lose headphones? More than I lose socks in the dryer. I have to buy those shitty headphones every time I fly because I always forget mine at home, I constantly lose them in my car, on the way to the gym, when I get back from walking to the market, I lose headphones all over this planet. That’s why I stick to the 20-30 dollar ones instead of investing in some completely ridiculous pair that you’d have absolutely no use for outside of a sound studio. But now you want me to change all that and are “encouraging” me to use wireless headphones? If you think I’m getting some 200 dollar Beats wireless just so your phone can be a millimeter slimmer than you’re — well, you’re absolutely right because I don’t have another option, but that’s not the point, is it? The point is fuck you. Fuck you for proving to me, year in and year out, what a self-centered, sheep to marketing I am.
Nonetheless, by the time this thing launches I’ll have twisted my brain so many ways that regular headphones will be the lamest things ever. What’s that on your Android, a headphone jack? Ha! You still use a landline and dial-up internet? Get with the future and PRAISE STEVE JOBS!