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This Little Hippie Crying About People Destroying The Planet Can Kick Rocks




Wahhhhhhhhhh life is so hard when you’re a kid wahhhhhhhhhh people are destroying the Earth and he can’t do anything about it wahhhhhhhhhhh. Shut up kid. Of course he has grandiose ideas of saving the planet and saving animals. He’s a damn kid. He has no other responsibilities so he thinks it’ll be like that forever and he can just gander about the planet doing the right thing. Well I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to him but that ain’t how being an adult works. You know how all of us wanted to be a cowboy or a princess or a ghost when we got older? Well surprise! None of us are any of those things. Because we have rent and a car payment and a cell phone bill and student loan payments. Being a cowboy doesn’t pay the bills. The dad in Step Brothers says to never lose your dinosaur. Too bad the world rips away your dinosaur and tells you to get a fucking job. The same thing is gonna happen to that little tree-hugging pipsqueak. Oh you’re gonna save the planet, are ya? We’ll see how that goes when the real world smacks you upside the head.


PS- I’m not sure if I’ve ever been more angry than when that kid said he wants to be a grown up already. Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay a kid as long as you can. You get snack times and nap times and life is super fucking easy. Being a grown up is the WORST.