I Did Not Rob A Bank In Methuen Yesterday


Two things here: first of all, I don’t even really look like this guy. Kinda, maybe. But it’s not even that close. It’s not scary accurate like Tyler Toffoli or big, fat, ugly, sad fish. I’ve got way better hair than this dude, he’s balding all in the front and shit. Yes, we both have the same doughboy bitch face. But still.

That brings me to my next point. Wtf guys? Thought we were in the trust tree over here? I blog that I have no money, some dude with a face and jawline made of Silly Putty robs a bank, and everyone’s quick to snitch on me? Fucking got like 50 tweets last night where everyone was so excited to tell the world that I robbed that bank. What if I did? What if that was actually me? You’d all be a bunch of rats, I’d do push-ups my whole prison sentence, and I’d come out and kill you. Think about that next time. Please.