Boom. Joe Thornton Just Got You Pregnant

thornton-shirtless

This is a man who has fathered countless amounts of children in his life. A man who cares not for your silly little societal norms and structures. He is a man who takes life by the fucking balls and squeezes them mercilessly until he gets what is rightfully his. This man is Jumbo Joe, and he just made you pregnant.

Thread, meet needle. Sauce? Check. Tape-to-tape? Check. Need a new pair of pants? Check. Let’s just watch it again real quick because it’s Friday and we deserve it.

The Sharks have now shutout the Blues for the past 7+ periods. That’s over 140 minutes of shutout hockey. I mean yeah, the Blues should be ashamed of themselves but between the beards, passes like this and the overall power of Brent Burns, this looks like it could finally be the year of the Shark.Summary for the Stanley Cup Final:

shark-eating-penguin

P.S. – Need to know what kind of blood magic Dainus Zubrus is using to still be playing in the NHL

P.P.S – Jumbo Joe definitely took down Christine Simpson after that interview. Not because he wanted to. But because as Joe Thornton, he had to.

@BarstoolJordie