Get A Load Of This African Going Full Last Action Hero Hanging Off A Departing Helicopter

AFRICA – A man has defied death by clinging to a helicopter in a reportedly desperate bid to view a businessman’s corpse in Kenya. The man, 28-year-old Saleh Wanjala?, was among a crowd of people trying to get a glimpse at Jacob Juma’s body. Juma was a controversial, yet prominent figure and an outspoken critic of the Kanyan government who was murdered last week in Nairobi, the Standard Digital News reported.

GET TO THE CHOPPA!!! I think we can agree is the most surprising thing here is there are working helicopters in Kenya, let alone qualified pilots. Wait, Saleh Wanjala risked his neck to get one last look at his businessman’s dead body? They must be doing some serious voodoo shit over there. Because screw if you weight almost made the delicate flying machine unbalanced enough to tip over and decapitate hundreds of people in the crowd. Gotta get one last glimpse of your Jacob Marley Juma before he rises into the sunset. Respect?

Gotta give credit where credit is due, forget the movies, that shit in real life has gotta be TOUGH. I attempt to do one pull-up and my entire upper body goes directly into Michael J. Fox mode. Nope. 5 seconds into the ascension and I’d plummet worse than if I were escaping the Vietcong in The Deer Hunter.

And you’re damn right I’m not in the mood to watch this entire 3.5 hour epic after innocently thinking about one scene for 2 seconds. The Russian Roulette scene alone was worth all the Academy Awards.