Lax Roundup: 80-Yard Bombs, Hopkins Browns Out, RIP Duke
The 1st round of the 2016 NCAA Lacrosse tournament kicked off yesterday. But before we get to all of that, let’s start with some MLL action from last night. Specifically this buzzer-beating two pointer from 80 yards out.
I guess when Portnoy sold his soul to the devil, it also worked for Boston lacrosse. That fucking bastard. But that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is how you become the big swingin’ dick at the lacrosse factory. Speaking of Brodie Merrill, be on the look out for a post soon on the all NCAA Tournament Name team. Because there are just some names out there that you’ll never see in any other sport for as long as you live. Brodie Merrill could possibly be one of them, but certainly guys like Deemer Class on Duke was put on this earth to be a lacrosse player. Now let’s move on to some of the tournament games from yesterday.
Loyola Knocks Off Duke 16-11
See, here’s the thing about Loyola freshman Pat Spencer. You’re fucked if you slide to him because then he beats you with a feed. But then you’re also fucked if you don’t slide to him because then he just takes you to the rack and stuffs one home. So yeah, pretty much you just always die while playing against Pat Sncer and that’s the reason the kid has 18 points in his last 2 games. As great as Spencer and the Hounds looked all day, that’s how miserable Myles Jones and the Blue Devils played. Myles Jones looked like a kid who just got his ass HANDED TO HIM by finals week or something. Turnover after turnover and as I’ve said all year long, teams that are wearing the STX Stallion helmets this year have no legitimate shot of winning a National title. You just can’t look that ugly in May and expect to find success.
Brown Shits On Hopkins, Wins 17-8
Yeah, Hop may be dealing with some injuries but that was a beatdown of biblical proportions. Good news is that Brown attackman Dylan Molloy had 8 points yesterday bringing his season total up to 114. Just 14 points away from Lyle Thompson’s record of 128. I’m thinking as long as Brown survives to advance to Championship weekend, he’ll get it done. So if you’re headed to Philly for Championship Weekend, get ready to throw all sorts of shit on the field when he breaks the record. Snowballs, batteries, wristbands, whatever you can grab.
Notre Dame Hates the Troops, Downs Air Force 15-7
Is Sergio Perkovic the best athlete in America right now? Maybe. Is Sergio Perkovic possibly taking steroids? Double maybe. I can neither confirm nor deny those rumors that I just created right there but where there’s smoke, there’s steroids. Seriously though, Notre Dame has a cake walk to the Final Four this year. North Carolina looked mediocre at best after knocking off Marquette by one goal yesterday and Notre Dame was shooting the shit out of the ball all night. Nothing against Marquette but they do’t have a Matt Kavanagh or a Sergio Perkovic or a Ryder Garnsey. Expect the Irish to roll.