I feel like AC Green’s virginity doesnt get enough play. Its nice to see this officially immortalized and honored with a 30 for 30 because, to be frank, its the most preposterous storyline in human history. Ordinarily I throw around dramatics like that, but I want to be crystal clear:
Its the most improbable thing ever that a starter on the Showtime Lakers never had sex with a woman.
Its probably the most improbable thing that any basketball player ever didnt have sex with a chick. But to be one in the 1980s, on the Los Angeles Lakers, and still remain a virgin…thats just unfathomable. AC Green not fucking any chicks is more astounding than Bartolo’s home run. By a MILE. The Showtime Lakers were tornado of sexual deviance, ripping through the country, ripping the roofs off of every female in sight. Magic Johnson fucked so much he got AIDS! In case you forgot, Magic was the conductor of a sexual orchestra, creating nightly concerto’s in which he basically forced people to fuck each other:
Johnson fancied himself not merely an entertainer, but a maestro. “If you ever die and go to heaven, you want heaven to be Magic’s house parties,” said Frank Brickowski, a future Lakers teammate. “He would have the finest girls in L.A. there. The absolute finest. And at midnight you had to get busy with somebody or you had to get the fuck out. So if you were a guy, at midnight you’d get as close as you could to the hottest possible woman. Magic went around in this freaky voyeuristic way. He’d check on you. He’d go throughout the house, the pool. He’d order people to start doing things. All you had to be was near a chick. There were guys who would yell, ‘Magic, she’s not getting busy! She’s not!’ He’d run over and she’d get busy. Celebrity is seductive in L.A. Girls have this desperation about them, like moths to a flame. It’s sad. But when you’re young and single, fame matters.”
And somehow, some way, AC Green and his dick avoided all of this. I cant even wrap my mind around how implausible that is. I think its a combo of how he played on the court mixed with how he rocked his virginity. I mean the dude dropped a rap record about it. It was just like “Listen I rebound, and I keep my dick in my pants. Those are the two things I do. Leave me the fuck alone.” And people just respected it. He truly was The Iron Virgin.