I Don't Believe What I Just Saw!!! Big Sexy Goes Yard

Big Sexy goes big fly on Big Game James! More impressive than Benny the Jet busting the cover off the ball. More impressive than Roy Hobbs busting out the lights. More impressive than Henry Rowengartner floating the ball for a K. A no-doubter in the biggest park this side of Yellowstone. Dreams do come true! That glimpse the cameras gave us of Mark McGwire before the sexy bomb heard ’round the world is what I believe the scholars call foreshadowing.

Oh yeah, and we got an absolutely electric call from the Spanish broadcast.

HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!! Schwarzenegger couldn’t have done it better himself.

And the Mets reaction was absolutely perfect too. 30 or so men rcting like the NINTENDO SIXTY FOUUUUUUR kid, with Howie Rose and Gary Cohen losing their goddamn minds. And Tolo comes back to an empty dugout like all big leaguers after their first bomb. God bless Bartolo Colon and everything he stands for. If this doesn’t get every person on God’s green Earth to buy a Big Sexy shirt, I don’t know what will. Hottest shirt in the store. Hottest bat in the game. Hottest player in the universe.

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Thank GOD the Mets recovered the ball. I hope whoever caught it got a king’s ransom, too. Because that ball belongs in Cooperstown. Or the White House. Or the Vatican. Just keep it as far away as possible from the fucking Wilpons. They will sell that shit faster than you can say Piazza 9/11 jersey.

Also, if you are James Shields, you have to retire, right? No way you ever live that down in your clubhouse. RIP Big Game James (even though that was always kind of a bullshit nickname for Shields and was stolen from James Worthy). Welcome to the world, Big Sexy’s Bitch James! May 7, 2016 will forever be the day that Bartolo Colon stole the show on a day that had the Kentucky Derby, NHL playoffs, NBA playoffs, and a big time boxing match that ended in a vicious knockout.

One last time with bonus points for having the flag in the background. Viva Big Sexy.

PS: I am writing this in the parking lot of the Bear Mountain Lodge because I was driving when the home run was hit and didn’t have service. Wife is in the back trying to calm a baby screaming her GUTS out. The blog life never sleeps and apparently neither does my kid. I missed Big Sexy’s first career home run and I want to die.

That being said, this is the best thing to ever happen in the history of sports.

And here is a live look at KFC, who was at a wedding and missed the home run as well: