This Tinder Girl In A Bikini Has A Fun Way Of Hinting About Whether She'll Bang Or Not On A First Date

corb-MAYBELEAD

 

Hilarious Tinder bio. But also pretty functional if true. Every action in the world has a reaction and the more you’re aware of how the past has made you who you are today, the better off you’ll be for yourself and a potential partner. Plus if a girl has daddy issues, it’s way better to know that in advance rather than have them sprung on you one day in a crying session because you’re leaving to get a bagel and egg sandwich and he never came back when he went to get his. Getting it out in the air allows us to focus on the positives — mindblowing premature sex — than the negatives. I can see why this girl gets all the chimps. (via Corb)
And just like that, we’re elbows deep in another week of the Tinder blog. There’s a lot of goodness here this week — for some reason, a whole lot of #content in the hot/NSFW category — so let’s get into it. Follow me on Twitter to DM me your screenshots (and also see when I do my next session on Twitch, that turned out to be a fun little AMA-type thing so thanks to all who checked that out) and here we goooooo…..

 

 

PH-johnnymanzielsassaultexisonbumblesoundslikebumbleisonthelist

Johnny Manziel’s assault charges ex is on Bumble? Sounds like some app just made it onto Pres and Johnny’s list (via PH)

 

 

AC-thatsjustasmartwaytoadvertiseyourself

That’s just a smart way to advertise yourself (via AC)

 

 

reddit-beingjonahhillsnewstepdaddoesseemlikesweetdeal

Being Jonah Hill’s stepdad seems like both a sweet deal and potentially hilarious (via Reddit)

 

 

 

BM-honestlythatsjustgoodlifeadvice

Honestly that’s just sound life advice (via BM)

 

 

TB-isshemakingfunofsmalldicksorbeingselfdeprecatingaboutthesizedicksshefucks

Is she messing up the “small packages” joke or being self-deprecating about the size dicks she fucks? (via TB)

 

 

creamy-obviouslytherearealotofgoodlookinggirlsonherebutthisgirlisoneoftherareoneswhosepicscreamswifey

Obviously there are a lot of good looking girls on here but this girl is one of those rare ones with a wifey-caliber pic (via Creamy)

 

 

CR-yourcompetitonfortheweekinthesouthsumsupthatsouthernmanmentalitywell

Your competition for the week in the South sums up that Southern man mentality well (via CR)

 

 

 

 

 

JC-threesomechickslikeastrongbackhuhwhoknew

Threesome chicks like a girl with a strong back, who knew? (via JC)

 

 

 

DM-that100percentisnotfarenoughawaytojustifytinderdick

That definitely is not far enough away to justify prowling for Tinder dick (via DM)

 

 

 

JH-hashtagempowered

Empowered in all the right places (via JH)

 

 

 

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SC2-genuinelynoteventryingtobemeanbutimimpressedshewasabletoworkwithcomputersgivenhowhardusingakeyboardmustbe

Genuinely not even trying to be mean but I’m impressed she was able to work with computers given how hard using a keyboard must be (via SC)

 

 

 

CP-thisweeksreminderthatsometimesatranshasgotjokes

This week’s reminder that sometimes a trans has got jokes (via CP)

 

 

 

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Dick overdoses: Not even once (via SL)

 

 

 

DN1

DN2-thatkindanextlevelracismthatreallymakesyouthink

That kind of next level racial passive aggressiveness that really makes you think (via DN)

 

 

 

AC-noracistbutitotallybelieveitspossiblethatsherrealname

No racist but I totally believe it’s possible that’s her real name (via AC)

 

 

S-mainetinderisagoodreminderofwhyiwillnevergotomaine

Maine tinder is a good reminder of why none of us have any reason to go to Maine (via S)

 

 

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AA2-idhateactivitiestooiftheyalwaysendedwithconfusedpeoplesuckedintomygravitationalpull

I’d hate activities too if they always ended with confused people sucked into my gravitational pull (via AA)

 

 

RJ-veryfriendlynotbiteissuchsexybrokenenglish

“Very friendly, not bite” is such sexy broken English (via RJ)

 

 

 

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JLD2

JLD3-honestlythisallsoundsnutsuntilyouseethatsomehowshesmaking3kamonthoffitthatsbetterthanthoseonlinescamads

This all sounds nuts until you see that she’s somehow making 3k/month off the government, that’s a better deal than a minimum wage-paying job. Almost seems like a smart move to burn some things down (via JLD)

 

 

AM-apparentlythisisthebiggirlgoingwildatumasshilariousthatshessointosex

Apparently this is the big girl that went wild at UMass and it all makes sense, obviously the first thing we all thought seeing her is hoping that she loves sex (via AM)

 

 

 

turtle-havetoadmirehowupfrontsheis

You have to admire the complete lack of ambiguity here (via Turtle)

 

 

 

TG-irespecttheflexibilityandabilitytopreventalipslip

I respect the flexibility and the ability to somehow prevent a lip slip (via TG)

 

 

 

 

JB-listengabrielaihopethebestforwhateversgoingonherebutyourebummingusallout

Listen Gabriela, I hope the best for whatever’s going on here but you’re bumming us all out (via JB)

 

 

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

 

 

JB-moscowbumblemustbeconfusingsinceeveryprofilelookslikespam

Moscow Bumble must be confusing since every profile seems like spam (via JB)

 

 

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CB2-forthoseamonguswhovedreamedofcuckoldingsomeone

Truthfully being the one cuckolding another man seems like a lot of pressure (via CB)

 

 

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CT2-ahofcoursethehothousemusicthreesomelovingtrumpsupporter

Ah of course, the house music, threesome loving, sexy Trump supporter is a key constituency (via CT)

 

 

JYF-HOTNSFWpalewithajuicyassiswhatiwouldcallaguiltypleasureofmine

Pale with a juicy ass is what I would call a guilty pleasure of mine (via JYF)

 

 

JYF-tittieslikethatandastanforddegreeisjustanunfairadvantagetootherwomen

Titties like that and a Stanford degree is just an unfair advantage versus other women (via JYF)

 

 

KC-HOTNSFW-farawaybuttshotsdontgoawayjustbecausetheweathersucks

Far away butt shots don’t go away just because the weather here sucks, thankfully (via KC)

 

 

 

CC-HOTNSFWunrealthickness

Unreal thickness going on here if you’re into such things (via CC)

 

 

JOC1-HOTNSFW

JOC2-HOTNSFW

I’m still not sold on trying to hook up with a 41 year old but if anything would change my mind, it’s her referring to herself as a “shell of a girl” (via jOC)

 

 

 

JC1

JC2-HOTNSFWyouknowwhatifyoureputtingitouttherelikethatyoucandemandwhateveryouwantinyourprofile

You know what? If you’re putting it out there like that you can demand whatever you want in your profile (via JC)

 

 

 

I-HOTNSFWgottarespectagirlwhollputitontheglassonbumble

Gotta respect a girl who’ll put it on the glass on Bumble (via I)

 

 

AH-HOTNSFW

I want to congratulate her both for the accomplishment on her shirt and the two accomplishments underneath it (via AH)

 

 

AK-upsidedownbuttshotscontinuetocomeupstrong

Upside down butt shots continue to be a surprising star in the Bumble scene, the Leicester City of female body marketing (via AK)

 

 

 

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#fitfam (via TS)

 

 

 

CV-HOTNSFWbeing18withtitslikethatmustbelikehavingthewholeworldatyourfingertips

Being 18 with jugs like that must be like having the whole world and eventual lower back pain at your finger tips (via CV)

 

 

 

GH-verytastefulamountofnipple

A very tasteful amount of nipple (via GH)

 

 

GM-HOTNSFWinserthelloooonurse

(via GM)

 

 

MB-HOTNSFW

One trillion percent the hottest chick to ever refer to herself as “poly” (via MB)

 

 

 

DH-anotherweekanotherbumblehandbraandiamnotmadatthat

Another week, another struggling Bumble handbra and I am not at all mad at that (via DH)

 

 

 

coal-HOTNSFW

(via Coal)

 

 

P-HOTNSFWsupmomtits

Sup mom tits (via P)

 

 

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Nipples and daddy issues pair together like a steak and a fine wine (via KL)

 

 

AAM-HOTNSFWthisweeksreminderthattransnipplesarestillnipplessoherewearemanidunno

This week’s reminder that trans nipples are still nipples so here we are, man. I don’t even know. (via AAM)

 

 

And there we have it, another week in the books. Please do go follow me on Twitter and DM me screenshots, thanks to the guys and girls (brave souls all of you) who sent things in, and happy swiping!