This Tinder Girl In A Bikini Has A Fun Way Of Hinting About Whether She'll Bang Or Not On A First Date

Hilarious Tinder bio. But also pretty functional if true. Every action in the world has a reaction and the more you’re aware of how the past has made you who you are today, the better off you’ll be for yourself and a potential partner. Plus if a girl has daddy issues, it’s way better to know that in advance rather than have them sprung on you one day in a crying session because you’re leaving to get a bagel and egg sandwich and he never came back when he went to get his. Getting it out in the air allows us to focus on the positives — mindblowing premature sex — than the negatives. I can see why this girl gets all the chimps. (via Corb)
And just like that, we’re elbows deep in another week of the Tinder blog. There’s a lot of goodness here this week — for some reason, a whole lot of #content in the hot/NSFW category — so let’s get into it. Follow me on Twitter to DM me your screenshots (and also see when I do my next session on Twitch, that turned out to be a fun little AMA-type thing so thanks to all who checked that out) and here we goooooo…..

Johnny Manziel’s assault charges ex is on Bumble? Sounds like some app just made it onto Pres and Johnny’s list (via PH)

That’s just a smart way to advertise yourself (via AC)

Being Jonah Hill’s stepdad seems like both a sweet deal and potentially hilarious (via Reddit)

Honestly that’s just sound life advice (via BM)

Is she messing up the “small packages” joke or being self-deprecating about the size dicks she fucks? (via TB)

Obviously there are a lot of good looking girls on here but this girl is one of those rare ones with a wifey-caliber pic (via Creamy)

Your competition for the week in the South sums up that Southern man mentality well (via CR)

Threesome chicks like a girl with a strong back, who knew? (via JC)

That definitely is not far enough away to justify prowling for Tinder dick (via DM)

Empowered in all the right places (via JH)

Genuinely not even trying to be mean but I’m impressed she was able to work with computers given how hard using a keyboard must be (via SC)

This week’s reminder that sometimes a trans has got jokes (via CP)

Dick overdoses: Not even once (via SL)

That kind of next level racial passive aggressiveness that really makes you think (via DN)

No racist but I totally believe it’s possible that’s her real name (via AC)

Maine tinder is a good reminder of why none of us have any reason to go to Maine (via S)

I’d hate activities too if they always ended with confused people sucked into my gravitational pull (via AA)

“Very friendly, not bite” is such sexy broken English (via RJ)

This all sounds nuts until you see that she’s somehow making 3k/month off the government, that’s a better deal than a minimum wage-paying job. Almost seems like a smart move to burn some things down (via JLD)

Apparently this is the big girl that went wild at UMass and it all makes sense, obviously the first thing we all thought seeing her is hoping that she loves sex (via AM)

You have to admire the complete lack of ambiguity here (via Turtle)

I respect the flexibility and the ability to somehow prevent a lip slip (via TG)

Listen Gabriela, I hope the best for whatever’s going on here but you’re bumming us all out (via JB)

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

Moscow Bumble must be confusing since every profile seems like spam (via JB)

Truthfully being the one cuckolding another man seems like a lot of pressure (via CB)

Ah of course, the house music, threesome loving, sexy Trump supporter is a key constituency (via CT)

Pale with a juicy ass is what I would call a guilty pleasure of mine (via JYF)

Titties like that and a Stanford degree is just an unfair advantage versus other women (via JYF)

Far away butt shots don’t go away just because the weather here sucks, thankfully (via KC)

Unreal thickness going on here if you’re into such things (via CC)

I’m still not sold on trying to hook up with a 41 year old but if anything would change my mind, it’s her referring to herself as a “shell of a girl” (via jOC)

You know what? If you’re putting it out there like that you can demand whatever you want in your profile (via JC)

Gotta respect a girl who’ll put it on the glass on Bumble (via I)

I want to congratulate her both for the accomplishment on her shirt and the two accomplishments underneath it (via AH)

Upside down butt shots continue to be a surprising star in the Bumble scene, the Leicester City of female body marketing (via AK)

#fitfam (via TS)

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Being 18 with jugs like that must be like having the whole world and eventual lower back pain at your finger tips (via CV)

A very tasteful amount of nipple (via GH)

(via GM)

One trillion percent the hottest chick to ever refer to herself as “poly” (via MB)

Another week, another struggling Bumble handbra and I am not at all mad at that (via DH)

(via Coal)

Sup mom tits (via P)

Nipples and daddy issues pair together like a steak and a fine wine (via KL)

This week’s reminder that trans nipples are still nipples so here we are, man. I don’t even know. (via AAM)

And there we have it, another week in the books. Please do go follow me on Twitter and DM me screenshots, thanks to the guys and girls (brave souls all of you) who sent things in, and happy swiping!