Nice to see America’s mom get some shine on the Worldwide Leader and give Bristol a little bit of personality on their networks. Now we can add the Crying Jordan quote alongside the Black Eli Manning nickname, with Goodell finally putting “some respeck on her name” with those brownies. Eli Apple is already a better Giants draft pick than Andre Williams and all he has done is let his mom give a couple of interviews. The woman speaks her mind while also having her finger on the pulse of pop culture and social media. I wouldn’t be shocked if there is a bidding war for her services between MSG, SNY, and YES as I blog this.
And if I had known about the Christmas morning story, I would have been even happier with the Eli Apple pick. A kid that acts that cool and says “That’s what’s up” after he got everything he wanted for Christmas should have no trouble dealing with the pressure of being alone on an island while covering Dez Bryant in a late December game. I mean as much as I love the Black Eli Manning nickname, Eli Apple may be even chiller than Eli Manning. Because there is NO way that Eli Manning wasn’t over the moon excited after opening all his toys the minute he unwrapped them. Just stomping his feet to play with his new erector set. And you knowwwww Archie was building toys and out buying batteries on Christmas morning before his youngest threw a shit fit. Our little Elisha may be undefeated against Brady and Belichick in Super Bowls, but I don’t think he ever tossed an L to ol’ Saint Nick.
In other Giants news, some of Big Blue’s rookies picked their numbers today:
I love Sterling Shepard taking number 87. We have ODB in the teens, no need to have our number 2 WR for the next 10 years in the teens as well. Plus 87 is due for a little redemption after the way Domenik Hixon’s career fell off. I also know I am going to tweet out “Sterling Sharpe” instead of “Sterling Shepard” at least 20 times this season because I am old and dumb. So I am apologizing for that now.
27 and 28 for the two secondary players is fine, too. I am still expecting Gibril Wilson to become a stud and he has been retired for five years. So seeing 28 back on the field in the secondary is nice.
The real problem I have is with Perkins. I was expecting him to impress in camp and run away with the job because I always have unrealistic expectations for rookie RBs. But number 39?!? It’s almost impossible to pick a slower number. I don’t want to say a number determines how fast you are, but a number 100% determines how fast you are. Number 39 should have been Glenn Gronkowski’s number with the Giants, with Perkins taking basically anything in the 20s or low 30s. Instead Baby Gronk is in Buffalo and Perkins is now relegated to a career of running like he has a dump in his pants because he foolishly chose a slow number. Someones head should roll for this.