Appreciate the update, Lori Laughlin, but it’s pretty obvious that you’re not Becky with the good hair. Think we all knew that as soon as Lemonade ended. How did we know? Glad you asked. We knew because Jay was still with Beyonce. That’s all the evidence that was needed to cross you off the list of suspects. Because I don’t care if you’re black or white, gay or straight, if you land Aunt Becky then you stay with Aunt Becky. You don’t go running home to Beyonce so she can write an album all about how you cheated. You settle down in San Francisco with your buddy, his kids, and the pedophile who just got out of jail and got a kid’s puppet show. That’s the life a rockstar chooses once he gets a taste of Aunt Becky, it’s happened before and it’ll happen again.
I understand the desire to clear your name, but it really wasn’t necessary. As long as Jay Z is still with Beyonce it couldn’t have possibly been you. You’re the kind of mistress that a man follows through on his promises and leaves his family for, not the motel kind.