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I Wouldn't Bring Your Girl Near The UAlbany Lacrosse Team If I Were You


We’ve reached the midway point of the college lacrosse season and it’s just as fucky as usual. There are 2 Ivy League teams in the top 3 with Yale at #1 and Brown at #3. Duke has completed their annual tradition of sucking balls in the beginning of the season only to come on strong at the end and make a push for Memorial Day Weekend. You’ve got teams like Boston University and Richmond making their first ever appearances in the Top 20. And then you have the Great Danes of Albany who have thrown together a decent first half of the season so far going 6-2, with their only losses coming to ‘Cuse and Maryland. Now usually at the end of every season you can find plenty of All Lacrosse Hair Teams or All Lacrosse Name Teams. But every now and then a team comes along that is so stacked that you have to give them the respect they deserve right away. So allow me to introduce you to some of the fine members of the University of Albany Men’s Lacrosse Team. A group of individuals who I would highly recommend keeping your girlfriend away from unless you want to lose her.


Nothing is better than when white women go spend a week in the Bahamas for vacation and come back with cornrows. Pretty sure it’s the easiest way to prove that you’re not a racist, actually. Pretty savvy move on Brendan Chetuck’s end when you think about it. Any white kid with cornrows is good to go in my book. I mean, whenever you have the opportunity to be likened to individuals such as Post Malone and Riff Raff, you know you’re doing something right.


It says “I want to work on Wall Street, but I also want to dominate a case of Keystone Light by 3 pm every day”.


Derrick Eccles. The king of not giving a single fuck in the world. Redshirt senior year, time to throw on the denim shirt, the tie from goodwill and the jacket I just found in the trash. Take a quick rip from the GB and head on down to picture day. Also I’ve never seen Derrick Eccles and Caleb together at the same place at the same time so I’m not all too convinced they aren’t the same person.



In comes younger brother Sean who has a bit of a cleaner look to him but you can tell that there’s some bad boy just itching to come out. He’s only a freshman so we’ll check back in a few years to check in on his progress by senior year.


Joe looks exactly how I would picture any evil bank teller in any western movie to look like. Everything about this look screams “I’d be the biggest dickhead in 1864″. And I mean that as a compliment.


The medallion or whatever the shit that thing is really pulls the whole look together. You don’t see those enough anymore. Or at all, really. Actually, I’ve never seen it once before in my life but I’m into it.


Feel like I’m really missing out by not having a dude named Cougar in my immediate friend group. I’m friends with guys named “Scott” and “Mike” and it’s just all super white and super boring. If we brought Cougar into the mix, I’m sure that would spice things up a bit.


AJ is going to sell the shit out of some insurance once he’s done at UA. He’s going to make insurance policies his BITCH. Gonna sell them so fast your fucking head will spin.


Looks like if Spicoli and some frat star at Georgia or some shit like that had a love child. “Intending to major in business” is sneaky hilarious. Just a great euphemism to say that he doesn’t go to class ever, just chills in his room, smokes weed until lax practice, rinse, repeat.


The University of Albany Men’s Lacrosse team both begins and ends with Blaze Riorden. Quite possibly the best name in the game and the big fella knows how to steal a show. In case you need to jog your memory a bit, here he is going Sammy Adams Coast to Coast last year during the tournament to score a beauty.

Just Blaze.