Let's Take A Gander At The New Food Options At Citizen's Bank Park For 2016

Citizen Bank Park debuted some new grub at their park for the upcoming season. Luckily for you people, as the resident ballpark food expert, I have broken down some of the notables.

Korean fried pork belly sandwich with grilled pineapple, gochujang sauce (made with fermented chili peppers) and chili lime salt on a toasted bun.

I have no idea what fried pork belly is but boy does it sound yummy. Add in some pineapple and and some sauce I have no idea how to pronounce? I am in. (This should be the least popular thing on the menu. Philly doesn’t handle different food well. Remember: steak.cheese.)

Smoked brisket sandwich with whiskey barbecue sauce and creamy cider slaw

I live for good coleslaw with brisket/pulled pork so you add some whiskey with your brisket and some cider in the cole slaw? I am all about it. This is as average as it gets, but boy will this be good.

Sharp cheddar turkey burger: boasting shallot marmalade atop a griddled sesame bun.

Turkey burger at a ballpark? Our grandfathers just rolled over in their graves.

Cheeseburger with a pork roll that’s adorned with a mini corn dog,

This is what I am talking about. You take something delicious like a burger, add something Phhilly in pork roll (also delicious) and add something ballpark themed in the corndog (also delicious) and you put that all together and you have something awesome. You have to throw an egg on top of all of this and it will be killer. That tip is for free, Aramark.

Beer-braised hot dog with hard cider, braised onions and grain mustard on a pretzel roll

I have no idea how you braise a hotdog with hard cider, but that seems to be the theme at CBP, so you throw that under some onions and mustard and throw it on a pretzel bun? Not too shabby… and then you remember it’s a fucking hot dog.

Asian-inspired hot dog, loaded with sweet and sour pickled slaw and Sriracha mayonnaise on a poppy seed roll.

I am officially over the Sriracha phase. You know why we have this problem? Because everyone got their rocks off to buffalo sauce so the people on Food Network had to find another fancy spicy sauce and now we are stuck with EVERYTHING having Sriracha on it. Over it. #teamfucksriracha

Bacon-wrapped hot dog with smoked tomatillo salsa verde, Tabasco mayonnaise, chopped tomato and onions, to be called the Sonoran dog.

AHHHH BACON! Yeah, i don’t care what the hell else this hot dog has on it, they had me at bacon. BOOM.

Chick-Fil-A and Ritas

The sad thing is that CBP debuted all this new food and then kindly slid in the fact they are bringing Chick-fil-a and Rita’s, where my opinions on either are VASTLY different. Chick-fil-a to me is as good as it gets in the fast food world. I never have a bad meal when I go and I always am craving it (imagine how much business they would have if they just opened on Sundays). However, Rita’s is the most overrated shit. Wooder ice is wooder ice, regardless of where you get it in Philly. Rita’s is overpriced and their portions are made for midgets.