The Nomar Garciaparra Batting Gloves Ritual Is Out, And The Joey Votto Tripod Dick Is In

The Nomar Garciaparra toe tap, the Nomar Garciaparra batting glove adjustment, the Gary Sheffield bat wiggle, the Jeff Bagwell squat, the Tony Batista twist and lean, the Craig Counsell hands in the sky, the Cal Ripken Jr. violin, the Kevin Youkilis hands apart butt jiggle, it’s all out, and the Joey Votto tripod dick is in. Obviously these broadcasters can’t appreciate greatness when they see it happening right before their eyes. If I were still playing baseball, you bet your ass I would be tripod dicking before every pitch. Votto said that he does it because he needs to think, and clearly it’s working because he’s hitting .341 this spring, with a very Votto-like .453 on-base percentage. If this were a shitbum player doing this, you’d tell them to cut the shit and hurry up and strike out already. But when Votto is getting on base nearly 50% of the time, tripod dick away, my friend.