Well that settles it. Women are crazier than men. By a long shot. Deep down we probably always knew that to be true but this story right here definitive proof. What the actual fuck? That’s the worst version of Biggie’s “I Got A Story To Tell” of all time. First of all, taking a shit at a person’s house on the first date is riskyyyyyyyyyyyy business. The riskiest of risky businesses. I’ve been in relationships before where I haven’t taken shits at the girl’s house months into it. I know she says she’s confident and self assured and that’s why she did it. No, lady. You’re fucking crazy. You don’t just go dropping deuces in bathrooms of people you just met. Coffee shits no less! Coffee shits can range anywhere from two minutes to 45 minutes. They are sporadic. And then once the toilet didn’t flush, for the thought of, “Well I better wrap this sucker up and put it in my purse” is psychotic. Straight jacket-type shit. Was there a window in the bathroom? Or a trash can? Toss it out that. Or maybe just leave it. I know that’s horrifying too but it’s better than being the poop purse lady.
But this here. This is the part that really got me.
A few HOURS. Not seconds. Not minutes. HOURS. She had that piece poop in her purse for hours. At some point, you have to think of a better plan. You can’t simply be making out with a guy on the couch as a piece of your poop just hangs out in your purse. I think the move is you say you need some air. Or that you’re a smoker and need to step outside. Pretending to be a smoker is better than being the lady with the poop in her purse. Literally anything is better than that. Go outside and launch that log into the neighbor’s yard. Done and done. You don’t sit there for hours and let it marinate. Jesus fucking christ.