Live EventDave Portnoy Is Out For Blood - Cyber Monday Double Header - Stool Streams XVIIWatch Now
Cyber Monday Sale - 20% OffShop Now

No One Loves Pretending He's About To Kick Some Ass Like Matt Barnes Does





I used to have a hockey coach who would scream at kids who didn’t take the body hard on a forecheck. “YOU JUST PUT IN ALL THAT WORK! HIT THE GUY! THAT’S YOUR REWARD FOR EFFORT!” he would yell. Well, boy, would he not like Matt Barnes. This dude has traversed the country on a quest to kick ass, then gets there and decides against it. Barnes drove like 100 miles to not fight Derek Fisher and now he just jogged another mile to not fight John Henson. Everyone acts like this guy is a maniac but no one works themselves into a lather only to have spirited conversation like Matt Barnes does. Barbecue with his girl or stare him down and he’s coming for that ass/to talk your ear off. Everyone’s mom was tougher than Barnes, for god’s sake. She screams “DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE” and you immediately straighten up, Barnes tells you “don’t make me get in my car and drive 100 miles” or “don’t make me run across this court, cause a scene, then look for you in the locker room” and you’re still thinking, Man shut the fuck up. You’re not gonna do shit.


Fight or shut up, Barnes. These scenes that look like they were ripped from the script of Smack Down lose their luster when no one ever loses a tooth. Kobe figured out you game a long time ago.