Donald Trump Promises To Save Richard Simmons If He Becomes President

Screen Shot 2016-03-16 at 7.44.11 AMScreen Shot 2016-03-16 at 7.49.21 AM

Hollywood Reporter – “We have to get him out. No question,” the mogul said. Donald Trump has added one more item to his to-do list, should he be elected president — rescue Richard Simmons. During a radio interview Tuesday on the Jonathon Brandmeier Show, the billionaire businessman was asked if he would save Richard Simmons, as the fitness guru has been in the news lately after reports surfaced he was being held against his will by his housekeeper. Trump gave the affirmative to the Simmons Order. “We have to get him out. We have to get him out,” Trump said with a chuckle. “No question.”

Well theres a game changer. I dont wanna vote for Trump but I feel like I have to now. If Trump is the only candidate out there focused on rescuing Richard Simmons we’re gonna have to vote for the man. Its a brilliant campaign strategy. Like when the kid running for class president in high school promises to throw a party if he wins so everyone automatically votes for him. Trump knows exactly what to focus on to get those votes, man.

Can you imagine Trump in the Situation Room organizing a tactical attack on Richard Simmons housekeeper? Snipers on the roof. SEALS ready to roll at a moments notice. His most trusted generals rolling out a schematic and laying out the options to save him. Trump giving the order like “BLUE TEAM, GO! BLUE TEAM, GO!” and then they bust down the door and throw some flash grenades in there, bum rush the compound, and find Richard Simmons on the couch with a bowl of popcorn watching Lifetime movies or some shit.

That scenario I just painted right there? Thats the reason why Trump needs to be president. I need to see Richard Simmons rescued from his own house and I need it within Trump’s first hundred days.

PS – Trump was on TV today talking about how he only consults with himself because he has a “good brain”

The country is on the verge of making El Presidente the Republican nominee. Unreal.