Reader Email - I Walked In On My Roommate Jerking Off


Reader Email

Dear Barstool,

I need advice and this is the only place I can think to turn.

I am a girl living with a bunch of roommates, two of which are married. Today, I went to get food from the kitchen and the husband of the couple was sitting there on our couch, dick in hand, just going at it. I can only assume that he thought he was alone in the house, but alas he was not.

Not knowing how else to handle the situation, I did my best to play it off like I hadn’t seen anything and grabbed my food and went back to my room. But I saw. I saw it all. And now that deer-in-the-headlights look is burned into my memory forever.

To make matters worse, we just re-signed our lease here for another year. There’s no way out. The awkwardness is going to continue for the next year and a half. The only thing I can think to do is hunker down in my room and have pizzas delivered through the window so I never have to leave.

Please help. What do I do? How do I react if by some cruel act of God this happens again?



First question. Did the guy see you see him? Because if he did I’m pretty sure you’re obligated to make eye contact and then fuck. Like I’m 98% sure that’s the rule according to every single porn I’ve ever seen.

2nd question and probably the more important question. Did you say you live with a bunch of roommates who are married? What type of poor people shit is that? Who has roommates when they are married? I’ve never heard of such a thing. I’m legit disgusted by this living situation.