Heckler Says Marco Rubio Stole His Girlfriend In New Hampshire

Gawker – At a campaign event on Sunday, a man stood up in the middle of Marco Rubio’s stump speech to make an announcement: “Marco Rubio is trying to steal my girlfriend.” “They met in New Hampshire, and she doesn’t look at me the same way anymore,” he continued, before being escorted out. Rubio joked, “I didn’t even win New Hampshire!” Reporters present speculated on Twitter that the man was an actor, as he appeared to have an accomplice. A number of rumors have made the rounds among the chattering classes in recent years regarding the senator’s purported infidelities.

WHOOOAAA-OHHHH OHHHH OHHHH…Its Mr. Steal Yo Girl!

You better watch out for Marco Rubio on that campaign trail, boy! Rubio will snatch a floozy hoe right off your arm! And by steal your girlfriend I mean he’ll hire an actor to show up at his event and heckle him like this. There’s like a 100% Rubio’s people set this up. Right now Rubio is the guy who’s been invited to sit at the Cool Kids Table at lunch. He’s the loser who’s gotten the nod to run with the popular crowd for a bit. He’s just happy to be there. He’s living it up. Loving the attention. Mixing it up on Twitter. Taking shots at the debate. But they know he has zero shot at winning this thing so they gotta try to keep this 15 minutes going. Its like when you lie about having sex or drinking so that the cool kids still like you. “Hey guys did you see that heckler saying I stole his girlfriend?? Pretty cool huh?” Zippy chance Rubio is getting his dick wet on this campaign trail. He’s too much of a robot. Unless a teleprompter tells him to stick his penis inside of a woman, he wouldnt do it. And even if it did say that, he’d probably just read it out loud like Ron Burgundy. Plus he’s got his semi-hot ex-cheerleader wife and he aint rocking that boat:

Oh and what a botched opportunity to deliver that “we dont beat up hecklers at our events!” line. He stuttered and didnt really wait for the crowd to quiet down enough. You gotta have better comedic timing than that, Marco. It was a great line and F- delivery. You aint gonna be scooping too many more girlfriends if you cant clean up that act a bit.