Pre-Colored Easter Eggs Are Actually A Thing?!?
So I was out shopping last night and came across these abominations. Is this what it has come to America? Disgusting. This is why nobody takes Easter seriously as a holiday. Coloring Easter eggs is a time honored tradition that should be respected. You should have to deal with the smell of that awful vinegar concoction (by PAAS unless you are poor), shitty white crayons, and hard boiled egg stench in order to get the Cadbury eggs the next day. That’s what being Catholic is all about. Suffering in the name of the Lord before you get your candy and presents. Jesus didn’t rise from his grave, move that giant boulder, and kill all his enemies in one day like Michael Corleone at the end of The Godfather for this pre-colored eggs malarkey. Okay, I may have taken some liberties with that story. But I don’t think there is anything in the Bible that says all of that DIDN’T happen.
And the worst part of all of this is that those eggs suuuuuck. Would it kill these pre-colored spheres of shit to have a decent dye job. These eggs look like they were dyed by 6-year old Chinese kids in a factory with no windows. Egg coloring from 9-12 and iPhone building from 12:02-9 (With a 2 minute lunch break, obviously).
And you know who I blame for all this? The fake Christmas tree people. Once you allow that kind of cutting corners into Jesus’ holidays, companies think they can just get reckless and just wipe their ass with childhood memories and traditions. So a hearty thank you to the heathens like KFC that allowed the Trojan horse of fake trees into our religious holidays, paving the way for pre-colored egg companies to ruin a timeless Easter tradition.