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This Chick's Tinder Bio Is The Best Way To Sum Up One Year Of Doing These Tinder Roundups

T-thisaboutsumsupmostgirlsapproachMAYBELEAD

 

One year ago, Barstool launched a new website that was a fucking DISASTER. Crashing left and right, random glitches, readers, commenters and our team all annoyed to varying degrees. I’m a guy who doesn’t really enjoy negativity so I decided that maybe I could direct that energy to something useful (that would also balance out the traffic we were hemorrhaging from the site thanks to the relaunch) and did the first ever Tinder Roundup. And now after a full year of these and having seen more Tinder profiles than any man ever should, I can say her bio sums up people’s experiences on the app better than anything else. No one takes Tinder seriously…until one day you’re 28 and staring down the barrel of the “being a single weirdo” gun and then, all of a sudden, Tinder is your saving grace. And it’s actually a pretty incredible tool. This thing that’s connecting people all across the globe as we speak THAT ALSO allows you to get your dick wet AND gives us a fun blog to do every week to kill time on a Friday. So thanks Tinder and Bumble and all the others for being able to do so many things at once. (via T)

 

Anyway thanks everyone for clicking this week after week (Fun Fact: The Tinder blogs have been read over 6 million times in the last year) and sending stuff in. Your support is greatly appreciated. Give back to the community by following me on Twitter and DMing me your screenshots (follow me on Snapchat too if you want to see my dogs a respectable amount). And now let’s get on with the show.

 

C-thisgirlisprettysoitmustsuckthatshegoesthroughlifewithnooneeverknowingshehasaface

This girl is pretty so it must suck that she goes through life with no one realizing she has a face (via C)

 

 

MK-morelikeflotationalfeminism

More like floatational feminist (via MK)

 

 

friend1-realitystarsonbumbletoo

friend2

You can add MTV reality stars to the list of the Bumble Famous it seems (via Friend)

 

 

TM-qualitysyracusehoopshumorisuppose

Some quality Syracuse hoops humor (via TM)

 

 

JBP-emojissaywhatwordsdonthaveto

Another reason to love emojis, they say what words don’t have to (via JBP)

 

 

CS-thevenndiagramofgirlswholiketractorpullsandblackguysneverconnects

I’d wager that the Venn diagram of girls who like tractor pulls and black guys never connects (via CS)

 

 

SS-datingappornightmaremachine

Dating app or nightmare machine? I may have to take back my nice words about Tinder above (via SS)

 

 

DMT-giventhatsheslikeoneoftencolombianswhodontthatsprobablyanimportantdisclosure

Given that she’s one of like ten Colombians who don’t fit that criteria, it seems like a worthwhile disclosure (via DMT)

 

 

HK-theoneontheleftdefinitelyhatestheoneontherightforwearingthat

The one on the left definitely hates the one on the right for wearing that in their pic (via HK)

 

 

MN

(via MN)

 

 

CS-ibetachickaskingforaselfiefromguygetsaspecialtriptoflavortown

I bet a chick asking for a selfie from Guy gets a special VIP trip to Flavortown (via CS)

 

 

CS-thephysicsbehindthisonemakemyheadhurt

The physics behind this one make my head hurt (via CS)

 

 

 

bc-ijustdontwanttoseehersadtbh

I just don’t want to see her sad tbh (via BC)

 

 

 

BG1

BG2-ifyouregonnagothecrazygirlrouteyouhavetohavethebigcrazygirleyeslikethese

If you’re gonna go the crazy girl route, you have to go with one who has big crazy girl eyes like this chick (via BG)

 

 

DLC

(via DLC)

 

 

 

AP-ifthisisntamodelingpicwhatastorytheremustbe

If this isn’t a modeling pic, what an amazing story this must be (via AP)

 

 

DJ-bigblackbootiesmatter

#BlackBootiesMatter (via DJ)

 

 

 

AF-honestlythatsafairopinion

Honestly, that’s a fair opinion (via AF)

 

 

 

squirrely-19yearoldfuckgirlsarethebestfuckgirls

19-year-old fuck girls are the only acceptable kind of fuck girls (via Squirrely)

 

 

 

RWN1-hocketwittersuddenlymakesense

RWN2

Hockey Twitter being so PC and easily outraged suddenly makes sense (via RWN)

 

 

 

MD1-reminderthatyoudbangatrannyinsouthamericaandneverevenknow

MD2

This week’s reminder that you’d bang a tranny in South America and never even know it (via MD)

 

 

JQ-notaworldshottestlittlepersoncontenderbutworldslileststripperisjustasgood

Not a World’s Hottest Little Person contender but World’s Lil’est Stripper is just as good of a crown (via JQ)

 

 

rr-datlittlepersondiaperbootytho

That little person diaper booty tho (via RR)

 

 

 

jdub-hawaiitinderisracistaf

I respect this girl’s preferences on Hawaii Tinder but she doesn’t have to be so mean about it (via Jdub)

 

 

slater1

slater2

That’s the real “I’m 41 and have no time for anything but dick” attitude you have to respect (via Slater)

 

 

 

d-hilariousandahellofapotentialtalentshowsubmission

Hilarious and a hell of a potential talent show submission (via D)

 

 

 

RM-LINKTOBARSTOOLSTORE

A woman with impeccable taste in hats clearly (via RM)

 

 

AC-propstothisgirlfornotgoingbumbleexclusiveliketheothertvchicks

Props to this girl for not going Bumble-exclusive like all the other TV chicks (via AC)

 

 

JB-ienjoyedthiscommentersreplytomyredheadswithbigtitstrope

I enjoyed this commenter’s reply last week to my “you can never go wrong with red hair and big tits” trope:

Screen Shot 2016-03-04 at 1.40.52 PM

(via JB)

 

 

C-ithinkourfriendnatewouldlovetoknowaboutthehottestpartiesinthedmv

 

I think our friend Nate would love to know all about the hottest parties in the DMV (via C)

 

 

 

GM-iguessitsgoingtobeawaterbirth

I guess it’s going to be a water birth (via GM)

 

 

JV1-shessiaandyourdickisnowtitanium

JV2

She’s Sia and with that writeup your dick might be titanium (via JV)

 

 

 

CR-yourcompetitionfortheweekwillneverloveagirlasmuchashisguns

Your competition for the week will never love a woman as much as he does his guns I’m sure (via CR)

 

 

 

 

BK-whyisitalwayssmoothrbblackdudeswhoclaimtobethethirdgender

Between this and another guy from weeks ago who looked like Prince, why is it always a smooth black dude who claims to be the third gender? (via BK)

 

 

 

SG-suchameanbioinaphotowithafriendwithawheelchair

Such a mean bio in a photo with a friend in a wheelchair (via SG)

 

 

 

darknight-lovethebigboobconfidencebutintimidatedasheellbythosegunsshesblastingout

Love the big tit confidence but intimidated as hell by those guns she’s blasting out there (via Darkknight)

 

 

 

p-waitthisgirllikeswhitewineandbarstoolhowhasshenotdoneapodcastforusyet

Wait this girl likes wine and Barstool? If she tweets a lot about nothing too that seems to be all the criteria needed to be on our podcasts (via P)

 

 

 

GM-iguessyouhavetoputrugsonthewallwhenyoudoshitlikethis

I guess you have to put rugs on the wall if you’re doing shit like this for Tinder pics (via GM)

 

 

 

j-gottarespectadirectbiggirl

Gotta respect a big girl who keeps it honest (via J)

 

 

 

jm-hashtagnoracistbuthowisthatnotablackgirl

#noracist but how does that name not belong to black girl? (via JM)

 

 

 

bq-swag

Not pulling out is pretty swaggy (via BQ)

 

 

 

POD-illgooutonalimbanygirlpostingthisdeservestobeinjail

I’ll go out on a limb, any girl posting this deserves to be in jail (via POD)

 

 

nintendude-thefacesayshemeansit

The face says he means it (via Nintendude)

 

 

BR-achickgoingallinonthebigjewishtitsstereotypeonjswipe

A chick going all in on the big Jewish tits stereotype on Jswipe is commendable and Kosher imo (via BR)

 

 

gray

Nature’s aphrodisiacs (via Gray)

 

 

 

 

And since it’s a one-year anniversary special, here’s my favorite girl who’s ever been on the blog top to bottom (pun not intended but definitely appropriate). Follow her on Instagram here, my gift to you.

 

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones..

 

 

 

KP-veryweedchickhotbutiwouldnottrustherasmyreceptionistifactualthingsneededtobedone

Very weed chick hot but I would not trust her as my receptionist if I actually needed things to get done (via KP)

 

 

JD-feelslikedestinytometoo

Feels like Destiny to me too (via JD)

 

 

 

DG-hotpicbutthefacereallymakesorbreaksthisone

Hot pic but the face here really makes or breaks this one (via DG)

 

 

DH1

DH2

Fucking Bumble, every time I’m out it pulls me back in (via DH)

 

SK-anothersolidbikiniangleforbuttsofallshapesandsizes

Another solid bikini angle for butts of all shapes and sizes (via SK)

 

 

 

GO-hotnsfw

Quality butt but I’m concerned for her vag sitting on that rock like that (via GO)

 

 

 

MT-hotnsfw

(via MT)

 

 

 

gray-hotnsfw

(via Gray)

 

 

SLC-hotnsfw

Is there a single butt that looks bad in these Calvin Kleins (besides Pres)? (via SLC)

 

 

MT-hotnsfwCLOSER

Hoeing at AP levels (via MT)

 

 

DS-hotnsfw1

(via DS)

 

RP-hotnsfw

Naked and scared in a woods is s