Is This The Most Embarrassing Promotion In Sports History?

Is this a thing that Papa John’s does regularly? Usually discounts are given when a hockey team scores 3+ goals AND wins or a baseball team bats in 5+ runs, AND wins. I’ve never seen promotional standards set so low. Scoring 90 points in the typically defenseless NBA in 2016 should be a gimmie night in and night out. And the Sixers don’t even have to win? Talk about money in the bank and cancer to the colon. Might as well give 20% off for simply showing up. This isn’t even a “Bad” promotion for Sixers fans, just embarrassing. The team has scored 90 points in each of their last 11 games (1-10, baby!). I’m not sure if this is a reflection of how sad the Sixers are or how shitty Papa John’s makes his pizza. Probably a happy medium. Can’t exactly hold your hat on the “Better Ingredients” claim when you can cut your price 50% and still provide edible food at a profit. And, yes, the term edible is debatable in Papa John’s situation. The amount of times I’ve gotten the runs from that stale pizza dipped in their delicious garlic sauce means the human body typically identifies that stuff as poison.

Still, stock up on the Papa John’s while ya can. That promotion will soon only be available for when the Sixers win, score 120, and Joel Embiid takes 10 steps without shattering his shit. CUE IT!