We started off last night’s episode with a flashback of what life was like for O.J. in the early 90s. And it looked AWESOME. I also can’t believe C&C Music Factory didn’t have a longer time on the musical throne. It’s impossible to not start dancing when you hear any of their songs. I am dancing as I type this.
I didn’t know Judge Ito was married to a cop or that he roamed around the office in casual casual clothes. But I do know that I love it. I’m expecting to learn a lot of great things about Lance “Romance” Ito the rest of the season. Including his strong backbone (yaaa mean?)
And a high five from a woman cop? Take it down a notch, Judge. There could be kids watching!
Did O.J. really say this?!? You lying (albeit dripping with swagger) motherfucker.
And just when my libido had calmed down from that Ito high five, Mrs. Coach comes on screen and has me feeling like a 15 year old all over again.
Mrs. Coach. So hot right now. And forever ever.
And THEN she describes what a Brentwood Hello is? I had to change my pants twice and take a cold shower while simultaneously wishing I was that carrot.
I remembered thinking Marcia Clark was kinda cold and extremely lame when I was watching this case as a kid. But this is some Ether shit. Marcia Clark seems like the kind of woman that wouldn’t let you onto her yard if your ball accidentally ended up there. She’d just give you an evil glance while chain smoking in her robe.
Oddly enough, this is EXACTLY how the first Clark-Darden sex scene begins in my imaginary O.J. Simpson Trial porn.
I had no idea Faye Resnick’s book was so scandalous but I feel like I have to read it now. And look at Ito, that dog. Just highlighting the best parts in pink. And shouting out the page for lesbian sex was LOL funny by the robot that kind of looks like John Travolta. But you guys have to remember this was before Pornhub was just a click away.
Then a bunch of stuff happened that resulted in Johnnie Cochran replacing Robert Shapiro as lead counsel in the case. I hate to yada yada the rest of the episode, but this had to be the most epic court intro I have ever seen.
Episode Rating: B+. Not the splashiest episode but still had some entertaining moments. FX not finding a way to shoe horn the fuckhead Kardashians into this episode was clearly the upset of the night. Mrs. Coach was giving out boners like Halloween candy though, which gives the episode a huge boost. Mrs. Coach boners forever.