Live EventLive from the #BarstoolSportsbook house for some Thursday Night Football actionWatch Now
Merchapolooza | 10% Off The Barstool Store When You Use Your Favorite Personality's CodeSHOP NOW

Former NFL Player Shares Some Questions Asked Of Him At The Combine And It's Basically A KFC Radio Episode

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I’m a bit confused here. I think Austen Lane posted these as a bit of a joke? Like he’s trying to say that the combine questions are stupid and aren’t exactly “how many stop signs are there in Manhattan” interview questions? Because I couldn’t disagree with that more. These questions are perfect. I could learn everything I need to know about someone from these questions and I may start adding them to a best friend quiz that I’ll give to every new person I meet.

 

Would you kill if you could get away with it? Yes. Doubly yes if you’re applying for a football job. I want the guys who aren’t afraid to get some blood on their hands. I want the guys who aren’t willing to push the boundaries or morality and maybe grab a dick or two in the pile. That’s who I want on my squad, a bunch of dick-grabbing eye-gougers.

 

Is your mom attractive? Damn right she is. She’s a beautiful, elegant woman. She’s not hot, that’s weird. But she’s an angel. If you don’t think that then you’ve got a problem with authority figures and can’t be coached.

 

You’ve got dreads, you smoke weed. Fact. If you’ve got dreads and don’t smoke weed then you’re a poser, plain and simple. No room for fake guys in my locker room. People with glasses are nerds, people with soul patches are divorced dads, and people with dreads smoke weed. That’s the law.

 

Would you kill with a gun or a knife? Personally, I’d kill with a gun. But if I’m thinking of drafting you then you better be into knives. I want the guys into the grisly shit, willing to look you in the eye while they rip the life out of your body. Guys like me shoot from a distance, guys like me don’t play in the NFL. Guys like Ray Lewis get up in your face to kill you, that’s an NFL player.

 

Boxers or briefs? Children choose boxers, men choose boxers. Loose clothing under your real clothes is ridiculous and the only purpose it served was so you didn’t get made fun of for your little dick in middle school gym class. Once you grow up, you switch to the tight stuff. I’ve got no use for adults self-conscious about their dick.

 

 

 

So yeah, I’d say these are pretty solid questions to get to the bottom of someone’s psyche. The fact that Austen Lane thinks they’re stupid and washed out very quickly proves my point.