Even Though He Stole The Love Of My Life, I Respect The Fuck Out Of Eric Hosmer's Anti-Pussiness Shirt

Correct. Today Is Not A Good Day To Be A Pussy (v-neck notwithstanding).

You know what? Even though he snaked my soulmate Kacie McDonnell away until she comes to her senses, I’m team Eric Hosmer. I’m usually not one to hold grudges, with exception to every little thing in life. Hence why I’m still livid over my Legion coach ripping my 16 yr old soul out in front of my grandparents and calling me a “Pregnant Giraffe” after seizing off the mound to pick up a bunt (It was a non-league game, Rod). But initially I had this to say in regards to Hosmer:

“What does this guy have that I don’t besides looks, money, fame, talent and a future? I don’t care if he’s supposed to make well over 8 figures the next few years, the dude is uglier than a sack of assholes. Time to come back to Philly, Kacie. Granted, if and when she gets off the plane I’ll have the Shaka Smart Havoc going, but at least she’ll be where she belongs.”

And I take none of that back, but I’ll tell ya, judging by his overall low-key demeanor and anti-pussiness agenda, the guy seems like a decent dude. Plus he’s got a ring and can smash with the best of them. So congrats, Eric, I think I can officially cross you off the list…

Smitty’s Revenge List:

Joe Carter

The Water Temple

Conestoga Football

JD Drew

Full Tilt Poker

David Portnoy

Rod Johnson

Sidney The Walking Vagina Crosby


Eric Hosmer

Avalon PD

Howie Roseman

Susquehanna University


…For now.

But I swear to shit if you hurt one hair on her head I will declare war so fast it’ll make the Japs seem like molasses. Don’t make me be pull a Tucker from There’s Something About Mary and find a way to sewer everything. I’ve done a lot more for a lot less. Just ask pretty boy.