QZ - Beyoncé’s Midas touch sent Red Lobster’s sales skyrocketing on Super Bowl Sunday this year after she name-dropped the American seafood chain in a surprise single she released the afternoon before. The song, titled “Formation,” is an homage to the singer’s southern roots, and includes quotable lines such as “I got hot sauce in my bag” and “When he f— me good, I take his ass to Red Lobster, ’cause I slay.” The latter lyric drove sales at Red Lobster up 33% from last year’s Super Bowl Sunday, a spokesperson for Red Lobster confirms to Quartz.
Listen this is good news for someone like me. In our business, the fact that you can mention a place and they see an increase in business, well thats the name of the game. We get paid off the fact that some people will actually listen to the entertainers the watch and like.
But man, you are one low, grimy lemming if you go eat at Red Lobster because Beyonce said to. That means Beyonce could tell you to eat dog food and you’d do it. Bey could tell you to eat a Crave Case of White Castle and shit your brains out all day and these people would probably do it. “Sea food differently,” huh Red Lobster? I see it just fine. I see it as some lobster and crab for like $10.99.
And whats hilarious is Beyonce and Jay Z wouldnt eat Red Lobster if you paid them like a million dollars. Straight up poor people shit and they are certainly not poor. But enjoy Shrimp Fest, you goddam puppets. You sheep. Who woulda thought the Illuminati owns stake in Red Lobster all this time.
Also on today’s episode: Chinese baby wakes up right before being cremated, goat arrested in India, Indian police are going to use slingshots, Florida man throws an alligator through the drive through window, drunk Wisconsin couple lets their 9 year old drive them home