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Barstool’s Capital One Cup Preview – The “Welp, It’s STILL Better than Work – I Guess” Edition

Sam’s Completely Craptastic Capital One Cup Preview


Hi haters,

Are you ready for THE CHAMMMMMMPIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNS! Well too bad, those incredibly fantastically awesome soccer games don’t start back up until mid-February. In the meantime we’ve got the second leg of the second Capital One Cup to tide us over. I know, I know, it’s a bit like wanting steak and getting beef jerky, but at least it Oberto and not a Slim-Jim.

By the by, before discussing the game ahead, one little piece of housekeeping to take care of:


So first and foremost, thank you for your feedback, Mr Wonderlic. I have filed this away in the now-overflowing folder labelled “Butthurt Liverpool fans”. (Note: I’ll be certain to take care and not accidentally slip it into the other overflowing folders labelled “Butthurt Arsenal fans” or “Butthurt United fans”.)

My first rejoinder is a more general one, which is that if you were expecting to read something on Barstool that is snark-free and written from the heart, methinks maybe you have a disappointment fetish. Now specifically to your question of what Spurs have done since Bale left, here’s what they have not done: finish second in the table one season then spend the next 18 months looking up at Tottenham’s hairy ballsack dangling on their forehead – that, my friend, has been the exclusive domain of your beloved Reds. (Note #2: Flamini did give us the old what-for in a certain pretend competition game though, I will give you that.)

Annnnnnnnnnnnyway, I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, I don’t have a grudge against any particular club that’s not named Arsenal. And even with the Gunners I still try as best I can to offer as unbiased opinions as possible when it comes to predicting scores. Take for example this weekend’s game against Chelsea:

Me this Sunday

Me this Sunday

Now on to the games……… errrrrrr, game!



City (-200)
Everton (+515)
Draw (+365)

Everton’s XI: Joel, Baines, Stones, Jagielka, Funes Mori, Cleverley, Barry, Deulofeu, Barkley, Osman, Lukaku.

City’s XI: Caballero, Clichy, Demichelis, Otamendi, Zabaleta, Toure, Delph, Fernandinho, Silva, Sterling, Aguero

Everton come into the game hanging on to a small lead, and I’ll admit that a Merseyside Derby might actually make the Cap One Cup final slightly more intriguing, which I’d be all for. However (gulp), the Toffees have their work cut out for them today. Roberto Martinez went with a very strong side, which is no surprise since it’s his only shot at a trophy – and perhaps saving his job? – this season, and Manuel Pellegrini has more or less matched him.

The absence of Vincent Kompany at the back means that City’s defense, led by Nicolas Otamendi and AARP member Martin Dimichelis, will continue to be prone to “what the fuck were they thinking?” type errors here and there. Add to that Everton’s propensity for going balls to the wall and this could be an entertaining fixture, though if the Sky Blues manage to get an early goal there is the potential that things could slow to a crawl.

In the end, hard to imagine Sergio Aguero & Co. not managing to scrounge together just enough to win the game… so I’m going City to win 2-1


BUT! Everton to advance after ET on PKs.



So there you have it: a craptastic soccer preview for what should at least prove more entertaining than Stoke/Liverpool but at the end of the day is still being played as part of a craptastic competition. I’ll be back with another craptastic preview of the weekend’s FA Cup action on Friday. See you blokes then.

2 cool 4 school = no soup 4 u

2 cool 4 school = no soup 4 u

Sam U.L. Army