PETA's Banned Super Bowl Commercial About How Vegans Fuck Longer Is The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Seen

Couple things here, PETA:

1. Vegans don’t have sex like that, not with women at least. (Get it? I’m saying if you eat tofu you’re gay. That’s the joke.)

2. Is it true? I don’t think it is, but I don’t really have the scientific knowledge to dispute it. I am a carnivore and I suck at sex. According to my experiments, it checks out.

3. Whatever, I wouldn’t want to fuck like that gay vegan anyway. Who’s got the time for that? Listen man, you may be able to roll around in the hay for as long as you please, but I’ve got shit to do. Places to go, people to see, cheeseburgers to eat. I’m a wham, bam, thank you ma’am, let’s go get some hot dogs kind of guy. That’s your problem right there, you’re an idiot who eats stupid and don’t have anything to look forward to. When I’m having sex all I can think about it let’s get this over with so I can go have some buffalo wings. You can fuck a chick right through the headboard and cum so hard you pull a hamstring, you’ll never experience the pleasure I get when I take a bite of steak. Advantage me.