I Joined Snapchat And I Feel Like A 100 Year Old Person
I’m 30. I’m a dad. I know I’m washed up. But in the grand scheme of things, compared to the other people in the same boat as me, I think I’m still pretty with it. The nature of my job makes me keep up with the times. I at least know whats hot and not. Music, TV. Fashion trends, clothes, shoes. And for the most part, technology. Keeping up with the latest apps and gadgets and sites and shit. But everyone hits their breaking point where their brain simply cant handle it. An adult, human brain can only handle so much. It can only adapt so much. Eventually you just hit a wall and you max out.
I think snapchat is that wall for me. I think I max out at Snapchat. I joined up last night. Gary Vaynerchuk says its the future. Says 2016 is the year it truly blows up and goes mainstream. Twitter is like 3 months away from being dead. By the spring your aunt and your grandma are gonna be tweeting 10,000 character Buzzfeed lists. Its a wrap for twitter. And so I’m trying to survive. Being a 30 year old dad is like being a slow ass gazelle in the Serengeti. The world is gonna chase you down and rip you to pieces like a cheetah. So I need a head start to keep up with the young bucks. And so I sign up last night and I was basically paralyzed with confusion. I just sat their staring at all the little icons confused as fuck. I mean what the fuck are these things?
I got a bad guy from Pac Man, Switzerland’s flag, and three lines. I couldnt even figure out how to get off that screen. People were like you gotta swipe left for your snaps and right for your story. I asked them how to get to like a main screen for my account and they were like “Oh well you have to swipe up.” Like I was some sort of fucking idiot. I just gotta swipe every fucking direction and guess whats where? How about trying to see how many people see your post? You gotta click the three dots. Oh! Of course! The three fucking dots! How could I not know to click three dots to see the views!
Fuck you, Snapchat! Fuck you, youth of America! This app is the least user friendly thing ever. And yes I realize that I sound old as fuck. I realize I sound like your grandparents the first time they looked at a VCR. But I think Snapchat is designed like this on purpose. These goddam kids these days just see symbols and shapes and know what the fuck to do. Its like Egyptian hieroglyphics. Reading fucking Cuneiform and pictograms like we’re in the f’ing Fertile Crescent. Leaving old people like me dead. Face down in a pile of silt.
Whatever. The worst is over. I’m on Snapchat and I’m in action. I tried to open a bunch of people’s snapchats last night and they were absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever seen on social media. I guarantee Snapchat blowing up is the end of society. People are gonna get exponentially stupider just sending each other poop pictures and what not. But hey, its the future. Adapt or die.
“Follow me” or “like me” or whatever the fuck it is – name is kfcbarstool. Today I posted a Friday BANGPIECE for you to listen to. Some reggae during the blizzard to keep you thinking warm thoughts. I cant even imagine people would care enough to see other shit that I snap but I guess I’ve been saying that from the beginning. “Cant believe people care what I blog about.” “Cant believe people care what I tweet about.” I dunno. The world is a weird fucked up place these days. I’ll at least try it out before giving up and going back to my Top 8 on Myspace.
PS – Yes this is one longwinded blog telling chicks they can send me nudes now.