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"Elderly Assistants" Is The Best Barstool Business Idea We've Had In A While

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So this is Sales Guy Louis’ big idea. We discussed it a little bit on The Rundown on Tuesday but I think it’s time to really let this baby fly.


One thing you need: appointments.

One problem: how do you make them?

One solution: it doesn’t matter how you make them because we’re gonna use old folks homes as little rotary telephone filled sweatshops.


It’s probably one of the more sensible ideas that’s ever been presented: for a fee, you get an old person assistant for the day. Think about it, you’re busy making the big bucks right now, raking in the cash, chasing that paper. You’ve got no time for a personal call, let alone one where they’re gonna keep you on hold forever. Know what nanas across the country are doing? Staring at the wall, hoping for someone to talk to. When you really think about it WE’D be doing THEM a favor by allowing them to make our appointments.


You know what happened when my mom stopped making my doctors appointments? I stopped going. Same for the dentist. I called once, they said “we’re booked this week, how about next?” and I never called again. An appointment for next week? I don’t even know if I’m going to be alive next week. But nanas will fight for an appointment that suits you, they’ll say “Oh I’m sure you can squeeze him in” or they’ll at least asked to be put on the cancellation list, whatever the hell that is. I assure you a nana would’ve gotten me an appointment that week.


Whatever you’d need, Ederly Assistants would get for you. Doctors appointments, dentist, disputed credit card charges, anything. If it’s a shitty task that involves talking to a person on the phone, nana’s got it! Old people love talking on  the phone, they love the on-hold music, and they love getting rascally when they don’t get their way. They are the perfect assistants.


PS – this has been patented and trademarked so don’t you dare try and steal it.