Florida Man Uses His Wife As A Mop After A Dispute Over A Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich

(Source) — A Florida man has been arrested after using wife as ‘human mop’ following argument over sandwich. Police say Keith Davidson was arrested and charged with battery. The incident happened after she knocked over a cup of milk as he made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in their home. The 911 call made from their home phone explains how they got there. “Why is she hollering?” “Yes, sir,” the dispatcher said. “Because you ripped my shirt off and threw me on the floor. That’s why I’m yelling,” the victim was heard saying on the 911 call. “To use me as a dish mop, it’s not the first, not the second, not the third time. But I can’t take no more,” the victim said. Police said Davidson used his wife’s head as a mop to clean up the spilled milk on the floor. It happened because of a dispute over a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, police said.

Here’s the deal: I’m super anti-domestic violence. I’d go so far as to say I hate it. Strong words, I know, but that’s the kind of guy I am. I, John Feitelberg, am not afraid to say that I think domestic violence is a super bad thing. Having said that, if this isn’t the funniest headline I’ve ever read then I don’t know what is. He used her as a mop! As a mop, guys! I know it says he threw her on the ground but, in my mind, he was holding her by her ankles and dancing around the floor using her hair to grab up all that spilled milk. I don’t know exactly what she did to deserve this, as PB&Js are quite difficult to mess up. But if she forgot to cut the crust off then cut it into triangles? Well, then she sealed her own fate. I’m not saying I agree, but I understand. Seven year old me absolutely understands.