Chipotle Is Solving The E Coli Epidemic By Closing Every Restaurant On February 8, And When They Reopen They Better Have Queso

CNN - Chipotle is shutting down all its stores nationwide for a few hours next month to hold staff meetings about food safety. The meeting will occur on February 8. Chipotle (CMG) has suffered from several outbreaks of E. coli , salmonella and norovirus that poisoned customers and caused its stock price to plunge more than a third over the last three months. The company has projected an 8% drop in sales for the fourth quarter. Chipotle will provide its quarterly financial results on February 2. But CEO Steve Ells said earlier this week that he was “hopeful” the Centers for Disease Control would soon declare that the outbreaks were over. “We know that Chipotle is as safe as it’s ever been before,” said Ells on Jan. 13 at a conference in Orlando. He said that Chipotle is planning to lure back customers with a new marketing campaign in February.

Hey, there we go! Chipotle finally got their heads out of their asses and realized these E-Coli “jokes” aren’t going away. Homeless people are turning down burritos on the street, they aren’t trying to shit themselves more than they already are. Chipotle has been losing money hand over fist for a couple of months now because they’ve done nothing to win back customers scared off by E Coli. So what’s their big plan? Shut every restaurant for a couple of hours to talk about food safety. Really? So they haven’t been discussing food safety with the illegals in the back this whole time? Ay dios mios. If you’ve ever worked at a restaurant or in retail, or really I guess in an office job too, you know those meetings are fucking pointless. You just sit there as they go through some bullshit new protocol, you try to get away with texting and reading Twitter on your phone, and then you get back to doing whatever it is you were doing before.

If Chipotle really wants to win back customers, give us queso. I’m so sick of Chipotle’s cold cheese on my burrito. Call me old fashioned, but I like my burritos to be HOT. Hot in temperature and hot in spice. I don’t need their ice cold boring cheese cooling down my rito. There’s no reason Chipotle can’t up their ante and start offering queso like a fucking adult. Grow up Chipotle. I think I’ve blogged about it before, but lately I’ve been growing kind of tired of the Chipotle hype.

You know who has Queso? Moes. California Tortilla. Qdoba. You know who has E Coli? Chipotle. Check mate, assholes.