There Were At Least Three Powerball Winners So Pretty Much Everyone Is Still Poor
What a bunch of suckers. Seriously, what a bunch of sucky, sucking, suckers. You have to split your 1.5 billion with at least two other people? What’s the point? Taxes are already cutting that shit in half so you’re looking at 750 million, now you’re sharing that with practically a village so you’ve got, what, 250 to yourself (all math done in the head of an idiot so careful believing what you read). What the hell can you even do with that? And how big of an idiot must all of Chino Hills feel like?
They were all out partying it up at Club 7/11 and taking pictures with Apu like he’s a Kardashian, meanwhile Tennesse and Florida are scurrying away with 1/3 of the cash each. Has to be an extraordinarily sinking feeling to think you just won more money than god only to realize you can buy like a house, a limo with a jacuzzi, and a bag of pistachio nuts then have a little left over for the take a penny leave a penny tray. You turned $2 into 250 million. Ooooohhhhh big deal. I can put 15 bucks in a savings account and have that by 2023.
See, this is why I didn’t even play the Powerball. It’s my way to be poor and still thumb my nose at poor people, “Go ahead, fight and dream for your billions, you peasants. Hahaha like I’d ever lower myself to such a thing. I’ll see you all at the office tomorrow with your packed PB&J lunches and messenger bags full of shattered hopes and dreams.” I didn’t buy a ticket so I didn’t lose last night, and I gotta tell you it’s feeling pretty vindicating right now. You know who lost? The idiot who thought he won a billion and a half, only to watch the hundreds of millions slip out of his account while he realizes he’s gotta split his fortune with some meth head from Tennessee and a chick from Florida who will spend it on gator meat and an old house boat. That’s the real asshole.
I hope another 100 winners come forward so everyone can afford a weekend at a time share in Orlando, a day at Disney (no fast passes. Can’t even afford fast passes) then go back to their shitty lives. Fuck all you.