BOLIVAR, Mo. — Kasen Michael Box was born on Monday and weighed 12 pounds, 8 ounces at birth. His father, Greg Box, said based on his son’s size, he may have a bright future ahead of him. “Look for him in the NFL,” Box joked. Kasen, born Monday night in Bolivar, is 2 feet long. So, just how big is that? Kasen weighs more than the average bald eagle. Kasen’s grandfather, Kevin Wells, called the News-Leader on Tuesday inquiring about whether or not his grandson might have been born the biggest baby in the state. Wells joked that Kasen could drive a car. “We’re just gonna call him ‘Sir,'” he said. Kasen was born at Citizens Memorial Hospital in Bolivar via an unexpected cesarean section. More than 3,000 babies were delivered at Mercy Springfield hospital in 2015; only one was 12 pounds, and most weighed between 6 to 8 pounds, Dr. Barbara Wotherspoon said. “This is very rare,” she said.
NOPE. Sorry. Better luck next time. 12 pounds 8 ounces ain’t shit. I’m a little mad at myself for even blogging this because he wasn’t even close to me. 13 pounds 15 ounces. That was me. That’s the mark all these little shits are aiming for. I came walking out the womb a full grown adult. I had the nurses all over me because I was so fat and handsome. Mack daddy from Day 1. And because the nurses had to go out and find giant diapers that would actually fit me because I was so fat. Laughable attempt from this fat baby in Missouri. All I’m saying is these fat babies who are coming for the throne either need to weigh more than me or stop embarrassing themselves. This fatso weighed a full pound and a half less than me. It’s amazing. I don’t remember this many fat babies before I was around. Just a trendsetter I guess. Oh and that Dad better pray he’s right and hope his son does end up playing in the NFL. Otherwise being a fat baby just becomes a funny story to tell your friends and co-workers and the internet.
Tell that baby to call me when he’s actually worthy of being front page news