I Can't Stop Thinking About How Ridiculous It Is That Some Random Person Is Actually Going To Win 1.5 BILLION Dollars Tomorrow

WTOP - The world’s largest lottery jackpot has grown to $1.5 billion because of continuing strong Powerball ticket sales. Lottery officials increased their estimate of the huge jackpot for the second day in a row Tuesday because of immense interest in the prize. The record-breaking Powerball jackpot could grow yet more before Wednesday’s drawing if ticket sales continue to exceed expectations. Officials reassess the jackpot estimate daily. No one matched all six Powerball numbers Saturday night, leading to the enormous prize. The odds of matching all six numbers to win the jackpot are one in 292.2 million. The $1.5 billion prize would be paid in annual payments over 29 years. Or the winner could opt for a lump-sum payment of $930 million.

It’s just so dumb. So, so dumb. Someone went to work today and tomorrow is going to be 1.5 billion dollars richer for having done nothing. Most likely some tractor driver in Kansas or single mother of 8 in South Carolina, but someone nonetheless is going to win a 930 million dollar cash out tomorrow night. It just doesn’t make sense. 930 million dollars, instantly. You know how cool it is when your grandma unexpectedly gives you 100 dollars? Now multiply that feeling by 9,300,000. I won’t be shocked if the winner immediately has a heart attack.

And what do you do when you all of a sudden have all that money? You can read everything in the world about how you have to get the best attorneys and set up trusts and this and that…but then what? Do you literally just have 900 million dollars chilling in your bank of america account? What do you do with life at that point? Obviously you destroy every cell phone, laptop, beeper, sidekick, anything that you’ve ever used. You basically never talk to anyone ever again and just start a new rich person life. The sheer amount of money that someone will win makes my mind spin. Oh shit, I just bought a ton of houses and boats and am down 500 million dollars, darn it. Oh, good thing I have another 400 million to play around with. I think I would literally have a tree in my back yard to pluck 100 dollar bills off of. And then if it got windy and some blew away it’d just be funny because I’d have hundreds of millions of more fun coupons.

I’ve also read a ton of things about how for the majority of people, winning this amount of money will legitimately ruin their lives. How your chances of getting killed, your family kidnapped, being sued by a shit ton of people, etc goes up 10 fold. You ruin the life of the person who sold you the ticket, your family resents you, you’re constantly bombarded with letters from people dying of cancer who need money, and it goes on and on. You just have a wealth of money and are constantly made to feel like a complete piece of shit for it. Which goes back to my former point, as much as it might suck, you have to just start an entire new life and never have a Twitter or anything like that.

And forget buying a sports team or something like that. The number 1 rule of winning the lottery is to do as little work as possible. I would not buy the Redskins. Imagine having 900 million dollars and having to answer questions about where RG3 is playing next season. HAH. Pretty sure that should be the last thing on your mind. Realistically what I’d do is set some people up with money, do all that fancy investing shit to make sure it never runs out, and then who knows. Gamble a lot away in high stakes poker games, and then just live the rich person life like Bilzerian. You just have to be honest with yourself and realize life won’t be the same, you’re now better than everyone you used to affiliate with, and ball out until you die of a coke OD.

PS: If recreating this scene isn’t at top of your lottery bucket list your list is wrong.