This Guy's Pickup Attempt Is A Perfect Reminder Of What Not To Do On Tinder In 2016

This one is going viral on Reddit with the warning from a girl “Guys don’t do this” and, since it’s a new year and I want you guys to thrive out there, I’m putting it up front. The thing some guys don’t get is Tinder is so easy. Not because you’re going to bang every chick ever but because even if your rap doesn’t work with one girl, there’s another to divert yourself. Just don’t be that guy trying cornball shit like this and then getting butt hurt it doesn’t work. You take a deep breath, close that message out, and try the other 50 girls you could text or keep swiping until you get more. Acting this thirsty means your dick will never get wet.

And hey! It’s the first Tinder blog of 2016 AND of the next chapter of Barstool Sports. The best news for all of us, as mentioned on The Big Lead this morning, is I’m moving over completely to our editorial side and helping us do more (hopefully) quality features like this. Hooray! And it’s a new year so you get DOUBLE GOOD NEWS…the girls themselves are actually pretty fucking funny this week. I know what you’re thinking but it’s 2016, they know it’s time for them all to step their game up.

Anyway send me your screenshots on Twitter (my DMS are open for your confidentiality), I’m getting a lot more Bumble screenshots these days and they’re working so send those too, and let’s make with the Tinder!

We waste no time in 2016 in the Tinder blog (via ST)

Wait is she actually black or just racist because I cannot tell from this photo (via Wills)

When you 36 and don’t have friends your age using Instagram but you still tryna look cute and get likes (via Swan)

I wouldn’t swipe right often for cartoon characters but Ariel would get it every single time. Hanging out with Sebastian would be an added bonus (via Smax)

Probably have had this line in here before but I live in Williamsburg and we fucking love Jenga here based on it being at every single bar and I’ll be damned if I betray that sacred trust (via SJ)

Monica Lewinsky could have learned a thing or two from this girl about both proper semen disposal and choosing appropriate dress colors for the occasion (via SHT)

That second paragraph can’t be legit, right? I honestly don’t even know these days (via SG)

A crossdressing Bama fan is literally like seeing a unicorn (via RB)

Not a fan of the cognitive dissonance between that photo and that bio no matter how much I appreciate the sentiment (via PWrestling)

You know what, I see your point on the whole nudes thing in this situation and this one situation only (via Pat)

That line would also be in Jaden Smith’s Fresh Prince reboot (via Pablo)

I love it when weed girls don’t look like weed girls, all tatted up and covered in pot leaf attire (via NON)

Hard to say Bumble isn’t on the rise in the dating app game when they’ve got Patriots cheerleaders on there looking for love (via MS)

Your competition is swarthy Rafi from The League and he is getting. it. in. (via E)

Story of my fucking life Kristin (via MR)

Glad someone out there found a way to make the “fuck your dad” ones even worse (via MA)

Not treading any new ground here but fuck man Fine Arts people are weird (via M)

Chip Kelly now won’t sign this girl to the 49ers because he probably thinks she has gang ties (via LG)

This week’s reminder that the life of pretty trannies isn’t quite as glamorous as it may occasionally seem in here. Also some words of wisdom I gave Sobol about the confusing feelings some of them may force us all to contemplate:

(via LB)

Two fine spins on well worn Tinder bios by this girl (via B)

All I can say is trust no chick with an Android phone (via Kyle)

That’s a bit wordy but still another contribution to 2016, the Year Of Chicks Being Less Corny On Tinder (via KMT)

The guy who sent this in pointed out (via Jockamole)

This one may have made me laugh the hardest out of all this week, judge away if you must (via JH)

She’s too pretty for this to be real but this is so repulsive that it has to be real? That’s where I’m landing here (via JE)

Patriotism and a strong face were enough, the (via JB)

~*just gronk things *~ (via JB)

Gonna take way more than an inch of cleavage for me to turn a blind eye to that shit (via J)

This week’s reminder that a tranny could squat a whole lot more than you (via J)

Do your thing and ring in the new year right big girl (via GM)

The bad news is she’ll break your dick like Batman’s back (via DMac)

FSU looks, FSU grammar (via DH)

Some girls you fuck, some girls fuck you (via DE)

At last a credible reason to be a cat person (via DC)

Why must you make the jokes so easily laid out for the comment section? (via Craig from State Farm)

Howard Stern may not be what he once was but this rating still has credibility with me here (via Clark)

Impossible to be more Irish, swipe right on the off chance she’s also got a pot of gold (via Blanco)

No, not literally Chris Brown, sorry

(via BG)

This is one time Bumble’s weird profile layout actually makes the bio more appropriate (via B)

That is so funny! I love how witty her clever jokes for us intellectual science lovers are and I totally get the entirety of this joke! (via B)

More credence here to my “big tits give girls irrational confidence for life” theory (via AP)

I like this girl’s vibe but does the dog thing work as well for girls? I’m thinking no right? (via A)

Not much for the dating a girl with a kid thing but that is a fucking adorable combo (via Shekel)

So she’s trying to lock someone into a long term no strings attached hookup? Isn’t that sort of the opposite of a no strings attached hookup? (via Flippo)

This was pointed out to me that if it weren’t for the pockets it looks like this little girl is hugging a butt and I find it very hard to unsee that (via SM)

(If this is true, god bless the damn White Mamba (via RB)

2016 election year in a nutshell (via Ktree)

It obviously would be challenging both physically and emotionally to bang a porn star but I feel like Carter Cruise is the rare exception that you’d want to wife up (via JW)

COME ON (via Chief)

I love everything about her everything, time to start googling this Trashed bar (via Friend)

The bio in itself is hilarious (even if I’ve posted it before) but I looked at her Instagram too and, I have to say, the commitment to Itty Bitty Titty Committee life is downright impressive. She wears them well, big fan (via JG):

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

Finally a way to realize my longheld fetish for the hats from White Men Can’t Jump (via NS)

This one may only be hot for the dick hoodie wearers among us (via Smells)

I sincerely hope Barstool’s new HQ is located near this girl’s school…that sentence came out way creepier than intended but I didn’t get where I am by hitting delete buttons (via KP)

I appreciate a Tinder bio that features references (via SD)

(via SLC)

Just posting this to help her get more FEMALE hookups, someone tell The Cauldron how much I’m supporting women right now (via FP)

Maybe it’s the adolescent me who jerked off to that old TaxiDriverMovie site with all the celeb wardrobe malfunctions but see through nips are always a home run to this intrepid Tinder reporter (via JSH)

And this week’s NSFW cherry on top is actually someone I worked with at WWE and might be one of the 10 hottest humans I’ve ever seen in real life. Thanks to everyone who sent stuff in, keep sending me your screenshots on Twitter (even your Bumble or Hinge ones, new year new us), and happy swiping!