Who Should You Root For In The Playoffs If You Don't Have A Dog In The Fight?
Well, it is another season without the Eagles in the playoffs and no one is ready to let go of the NFL season just yet. So you must find a team to root for. Well, you’re in luck. I am going to break down every possible choice for you
AFC
Broncos-
This basically boils down to if you are a Peyton Manning guy or not. Simple as that. If you like Peyton Manning you will root for the Broncos and if you are not, you will find another team to root for. The rest of the Broncos are pretty simple and not that exciting besides Brock’s Stupid arm tattoos.
Bengals-
Do you like horses that are in the lead 80% of the race and then snap their legs and die on the track heading to the finish line? If so the Bengals are your team. They always start every season so strong and then before you know it they barely win the division and their starting QB is gone. This would be one of those “fancy” picks to win the Super Bowl. Also, you’re a complete douche if you root for A.J. McCarron.
Chiefs-
Oh no! You cant! We can’t! It’s the big bad Andy Reid, one of the only coaches to give us any promise in the whole Philadelphia area in the past 15 years. We can’t rout for him. Come on now folks, Andy is like that spouse you break up with after a long relationship and you spend 2-3 years praying that something terrible happens to them and then you both move on and you’re like “How’s Andy doing? Oh, He’s in the playoffs? Good for him.” That’s how we should be with our pal Andy. Also, they’re a super goofy and nerdy team. It is kind of hard not to root for them.
Steelers-
The Steelers are simple. Do you like brash, flashy offenses, with a slightly offensive QB that athletically is the dream to every fat white guy in America? If you answered yes to that question then you root for them. They are my team to root for this postseason for multiple reasons.
1. Antonio Brown is a bonafide stud as a wide out and so much fun to watch, especially when Big Ben is slinging it.
2. The Eagles and the Steelers combined one time to make a super team in 20th century. So basically if they win, we win.
3. Big Ben is my favorite non-Philadelphia Athlete.
Texans-
I fucking hate J.J. Watt. He gives white people a bad rep. Also, this team being in the playoffs is why the NFL is currently trash. But trust me, you’re dad or really nerdy uncle is going to grossly root for this team all postseason because J.J. Watt eats a shit ton of avocados or something like that.
I know a lot of the former Eagles fans are still bitter about 04’ and #Spygate so you root for the Patriots to crumble. That’s never going to happen for at least a few more years. So its either you jump on the bandwagon and root for the Pats to continue their dynasty or plan for their demise. This one is up in the air.
NFC
Vikings-
Does it get anymore boring than the Vikings? Teddy Bridgewater is so plain, even with his stupid two gloves and I feel like everyone in the NFL is so over Adrian Peterson. So, It’s simple; Boring + Child beating star RB = don’t root for them.
Cardinals-
Bruce Arians and his weird dark lensed glasses and Kangol hat can go right to hell. I am over it. I really don’t know how their team is good and it definitely is good coaching which makes everything worse because Bruce basically begged to be the next Eagles head coach but then came along the great and powerful Chip Kelly and we practically shoved Arians out the door. God, the Eagles kill me.
Redskins-
No. You can’t. Division opponent who murdered our souls that one December Saturday and literally lit the NovaCare Complex ablaze. Find another team.
Packers-
they have a fullback that is used shockingly a lot. It’s hard not to root for them, but Mike McCarthy looks like a high school AD and it pissed me off. However, this team is sneaky bad this year and is the fancy pick to fail right out the gate, which makes me believe they will make it the Super Bowl. Got to root for them.
Seahawks-
they are really, really, really good and Russell Wilson was so close to be ours so its hard not to hate this team. However, they haven’t been as cocky and annoying this season, which makes them a little bit more impressive. Tough not to love the way their defense plays, just in your face 24/7.
Panthers-
Just could you imagine if Chip Kelly was the coach of the Panthers and had to sit through Cam’s dance routine after every first down? Everything they do is a followed by a dance routine. Cam now hits a whip, a dab, gives a kid the football, does another dance, finds mike Tolbert, does another dance with him, and then finally gets to the sideline after a TD. This team has a lot of different angles to love or hate them. Tolbert being so fat and a running back looks like something out of a madden be-a-player mode and Greg Olsen being surrounded by all the dabbing and dancing is never not funny. However, they are cocky and the exact opposite of “Old” football, so this one is a toss up.