We've Got An Important Update On The Stats - No Longer The Infamous 6'3, 230
A drunken, Folsom Pizza Blues at 230ish:
Compared to a spry, Folsom Healthy Blues at 215:
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Well whadya look at that. Somehow I got the face to go from Hindenburg-Dirigible status to simply a bloated blimp. You can see the progress over the past couple months even on the rundowns and stuff (Pro-Tip: Growing a beard helps hiding the fat-face syndrome). But it was around my arrest over the Summer when I heroically threw out my drunken stats of 6’3, 230 to the cop that I realized, “Shit, that’s the largest I’ve ever been”. It was after approaching 240 around Labor Day where I realized only so many dangerously obese shticks can prosper at once at Barstool. KFC adopting his wife’s baby weight after his daughter’s birth only solidified the fact. Plus, fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life. I think.
So I’m pimping out these guys now because it’s New Year’s Resolution time and these two are the best around for whatever you want to do. And no it’s not about getting super cut or being excessively hardo. It’s about advertising $$$$$ not dropping dead in my mid-30’s and not sweating while I eat. You know, the things in life non-bloggers take for granted. So I started talking to the best dietitian/nutritionist in Philly, Theresa at Philly Dietitian, and the fitness guru she recommended, Zach at Z Fitness, because as a drunk Jimmy Dugan put it, “Anything worth doing is worth doing right”.
Theresa immediately gave me instructions on how to shed some pounds and it couldn’t have been any more simpler. No, it wasn’t all this calorie counting new age kale happy horseshit. It was more about “You probably shouldn’t consider a drunken Pat’s Cheesesteak at 4am a suitable breakfast”, “No grown man should eat pasta, soup, and canned tuna for lunch everyday”, and “Is it possible to cut down those 50 beers a weekend and maybe replace your degenerate desires with a clear liquor?” All noble points, but for real her plans are individually structured and suit your lifestyle. I still red meat and drink the shit out of life. It’s all gravy, well, except for the first 10 day “Cleanse” and apparently I had no fucking idea how to use a blender. It still looks like a damn Smurf ejaculated on our walls.
But we plowed through, and honestly, even the first 10 days eating like squirrel wasn’t that bad. And now it’s even better. I’m finally eating good shit that legitimately gives me more energy and still can booze till the cows come home. Do I still overly abuse my cheesesteaks, burgers (RIP 500 Degrees), and beer? Of course. I’m on a diet, not dead. But it’s being educated in the little things I didn’t realize that help out so much more.
Dealing with Zach from Z Fitness has been even better. All I wanted to do was get back into somewhat D-III gameshape so I can extend my imaginary glory days maybe a couple more years. Again, I’m not looking to bro out and get shredded, I just want to be able to maybe play a game of basketball again without requiring an oxygen tank on the court. Z Fitness put together a individual workout and food program for me that caters to what I wanted. You wanna shed a little weight and get back to touching rim net like me? Done. You wanna train for a certain sport and become the master of your craft? Done and done. You simply wanna get super cut for all the biddy’s on the beach this Summer? Done, done, and done. Zach at Z Fitness with do the damn thing for you – Guaranteed.
And your damn right this is a sponsored post, but these two are honestly the best at what they do. Yes, you gotta actually work for what you want. It ain’t fairy land. But I gotta admit with these two actually motivating and educating me on the proper way to do things instead of my usual “Ah fuck it, I know what I’m doing” expedited everything immensely. Instead of dropping 20+ pounds in a few months I would’ve easily hung up my shit after a month of not seeing results. Get on them.
CHECK OUT PHILLY DIETITIAN HERE