(CBS) — An 82-year-old woman called Brown Deer Police Sunday night requesting police because she heard someone chanting, “ISIS is good, ISIS is great” while having sex. The incident took place in the 4400 block of Dean Road. Police advised the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again. When asked about the incident, Brown Deer Police Chief Kass replied, “maybe taking see something, say something a little too far?”
Hey, lady, mind your goddamn business! We’re just trying to get our role-playing freak on over here. Sex is better when there’s a scary aspect to it. Be it a new position, a new person, or the threat of a beheading at the hands of horrible terrorists, nothing gets your dick hard like fear of the unknown. A knock on the door form Homeland Security is a small price to pay for the best sex you’ll ever have, anywhere. The penis doesn’t care about race, creed, color, or safety. The penis just wants to get home. If home is in the mountains of the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria then so be it. Let’s get freaky.
But, I must say, I’ve always been terrified of people hearing me have sex. I think it’s my Catholic guilt, but legit nothing scares me more. Luckily for me, I’m not exactly known for throwing down so it doesn’t come up often. Still, I even get nervous when having sex in my favorite position (alone with my laptop on my chest). I’m 27 years old with my own apartment and I still jerkoff like a 12 year old who got home from school early but isn’t sure what time his parents are coming home so he uses headphones. Only difference is I can put both headphones in because I don’t have to worry about hearing the door open and footsteps come up the stairs.