Man Arrested For Stealing Butt Plug Because He Was Too Embarrassed To Pay

TSG - A Florida man caught shoplifting two sex toys from a Spencer’s store told police that he had enough money for the items, but was “too embarrassed” to pay for them at the cashier. According to police, Christopher Masters, 32, was in the Vero Beach store Thursday evening when a manager spotted him removing an“Arouz’d screw butt plug”from its packaging. Masters, cops reported, placed the item in his khaki shorts. Masters then allegedly did the same with an “Arouz’d stroker can.” After walking around Spencer’s for a few minutes, Masters (seen at right) exited the business with the purloined anal plug and the “ridged tunnel stroker,” which cops valued at a combined $29.98. Masters, who was collared by store security, “admitted to stealing the screw butt plug and stroker can,” noted police. “Masters further stated that he had enough money on him but he was too embarrassed to pay for them because they were sex toys.”

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Oh come on Christopher Masters, grow up for me one time. Ain’t no shame in the butt plug buying game. If you want to get your butt stuffed, or want to stuff the butt of your partner, more power to you. The second you walk into a Spencer’s Gifts, all judgement is tossed out the window on a golden platter. There is no bigger judge-free zone than a Spencer’s Gifts. The most embarrassing thing about buying a butt plug is having to step foot in a Spencer’s to begin with if you’re over the age of 13. When you’re a teen and your mom drops you off at the mall and you go into Spencer’s, your mind is blown. Sex toys that you have no idea how work, shot glasses with messages that you haven’t a clue what they mean, getting lost in there was basically like pressing fast forward on puberty. But if you step foot in there as an adult, buy all the buttplugs you want. I don’t think the employee—the person whose career is to work at Spencer’s—is judging fucking anyone.

PS: Do people not have the Internet still? If you’re too scared to buy a butt plug, use that magical thing called the internet. Amazon has a much better selection than a Spencer’s Gifts and for a more reasonable price as well.