ESPN Knows Tonight's Monday Night Game Is Going To Be A Piece Of Shit And They're Not Scared To Admit It

Really need to tip your cap to ESPN for this one, “Yup, we got a piece of shit football game to show and we’re not even really gonna try and spin it. The one electric player isn’t playing, the kicker who used to be good stinks, the starting QB of one team hasn’t started since 2013, and here’s a quote from one coach that’s about a specific player but also applies to the team’s entire season.” Incredible, incredible trolling of themselves.

In fact, it might even be genius marketing. No one of sound mind is tuning into this game unless they have their rent on the line and it doesn’t matter how much lipstick you put on the pig. You could try and find maybe a few stats and bend the numbers, say Matt Schaub has 130 career TDs or Josh McCown of the proud McCown football family has remarkably taken back the qb1 spot, to make it look kind of appealing and it still wouldn’t matter. But perhaps, if you sold it on how shitty it’s going to be, you can get some football rubberneckers looking to see just how bad football can get. I’ll admit, I’m interested now. I’m intrigued. 3-7 Baltimore vs 2-8 Cleveland? Josh McCown vs Matt Schaub? Oh yeah, let’s check this out and see how gruesome this car accident is. Hell, I’m surprised ESPN didn’t go all the way with it and say that there’s a chance someone gets his so hard they get CTE and you get to see some real grisly stuff. Go all gladiator fighting in your promotion. “It will be ugly, it will make you want to hurl, someone might die, but it’s part of our culture so we’ll see YOU on MONDAY NIGHT!”