That Awkward Moment When You're Too Fat To Skydive And The Parachute Rips In Half As You're Falling To Earth

Look at me, I’m flying!

Andddddd I’m dead.

You gotta be a real big asshole to rip the parachute when you’re skydiving. On the real, skydiving takes very little work. You just fall. And that tubby couldn’t do it properly. Score one for the little guys like me. Sure I get knocked over on a windy day, but at least if I want to go skydiving I won’t rip a parachute like it’s tissue paper. And make the instructor guy deploy 3 emergency chutes. Not one, not two, but three backups. He brought out the entire arsenal. Emptied the clip. He was not going to smash into the ground because a guy couldn’t control his complex-carbohydrate intake. This is why fat guys should stick to fat guy things. This guy decided to try something new, leave his comfort zone of Pringles and watching bowling on ESPN2, and ended up putting everyone’s life on the line. Don’t be a hero. Stick to what you know.
 

PS: We use the “honey take a good picture I’M DEAD” line a lot, but finally a story where it fits like a glove.