A New Study Has Figured Out The Most Likely Ways You Can Break Your Dick From Sex
IflScience – The study [published in Advances in Urology] looked at all of the penis fractures between January 2000 and March 2012 that were reported to the three main emergency hospitals in the city of Campinas, Brazil. The population of this area is over 3 million people, so you’ll be relieved to hear they only received 44 patients over the study period.
The majority of penis fractures were found to be sustained during heterosexual sex, accounting for 66.7 percent of patients that the hospital saw. A further 14.3 percent were caused by “penile manipulation” and 9.5 percent were caused by homosexual intercourse. The cause of the remaining 9.5 percent were classified as “unclear.” Perhaps it’s best to leave it that way.
In heterosexual intercourse, the cowgirl position was responsible for half of penis fractures, 28.6 percent were experienced during “doggy style” (that was the researchers’ official medical terminology) while 21.4 percent occurred with the man on top.
In homosexual intercourse, both “main positions” appeared to be very similar: Half of the patients reported being on top and the other half were in the “doggy style” position.
The research also found that mean age of sufferers was 34.5 years.
Fun story: The first time I learned a dick could break I was in middle school and Dennis Rodman’s Bad As I Wanna Be book came out during the Bulls‘ championship run. I was pretty big on athlete biographies/autobiographies then and Rodman was obviously a character, and less of a depressing one as he is today, worth reading about. But I remember literally nothing about that book except one thing: An anecdote where Dennis Rodman talks about breaking his dick. He was banging some chick, bottomed out pretty hard and felt a throbbing pain, then pulled his dick out only to see it was snapped like one of those frozen freezer pops and leaking blood all over. His dick break was mostly from being a giant black man with a huge penis, but the story has lingered in the back of my mind since then because it seems like the absolute worst thing I could imagine. I hate doctors in general but could you imagine going into an ER with your dick snapped and having to not only stay conscious and alert, but also explain this situation and have another adult human being examine it? I can’t think of anything worse.
It’s not even a little surprising though that chicks on top are causing the vast majority of damage. It’s a nice view and lovely to just sit back and not do any work. But every girl on top either A) starts working it like a joystick, something a dick isn’t really meant to do or B) Going up high on a dick like they’re fucking Shaq then coming down like the backswing on one of those slingshot amusement park rides. Chicks just have no read on dick physics. I get it goes both ways and a lot of guys poke and prod chicks in ways that are uncomfortable for them but you can’t break a vagina in half. Dicks need some caution. All I’m saying is if you’re not lightly holding onto a chick’s hips to make sure she doesn’t eject off the ride every time, you’re practically begging for her to snap into the dick like Macho Man Randy Savage.
(Dude with no clue his dick’s about to snap photo by Shutterstock)